| 00:00 - 00:03 | The Sydney Sweeney ad has gone viral. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | It's trending on every major platform. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Twitter, TikTok, even Threads |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Everywhere. Europe. Asia. Africa. America. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Even rural Botswana knows about it. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | That is excellent. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Just as planned. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Führer... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | There's been... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | There has been Leftist backlash. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Nolan saw a dog whistle for authoritarian aesthetics. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who is not a producer, leave the room. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Fucking Nolan AGAIN! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT TITS! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I WANTED PEOPLE TO THINK |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | NICE RACK. BUY JEANS. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | NOT HERE COMES THE 4th REICH! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I asked ONE intern for "vaguely militant undertones". |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | And TikTok realizes I'm launching a propaganda campaign |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | through American Eagle! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | He said that blue eyes and blue jeans are- |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Most jeans are blue! Her eyes are blue! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | But genes are passed down... |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | We were THIS CLOSE to a GQ spread called 'Pinup Patriotism'. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Now it's ALL OVER! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Nolan and his leftists will turn this |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | into a Marxist Instagram slide show! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | I spent six fucking months |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | infiltrating American Eagle |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | to be accused of aesthetic fascism by a Stalin-stan! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | He was supposed to zoom in on her cleavage |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | not zoom out to see a future of authoritarian rule! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | The men of America |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | were to stare at her ass. And buy jeans for their wives. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Not overthink it! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | But now |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | BECAUSE OF YOU FUCKING RETARDS |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | everyone knows what we're up to. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Stocks are down. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | What happened to Project 2025?! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | You overhanded cunts fucked it! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay. You look good in the jeans. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | South Park told us |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | that woke is dead. But it's not. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Nolan lives. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Well it's not over. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I'll find someone whiter. Blonder. With bluer eyes. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | And plaster her EVERYWHERE. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | See how he likes that. |
