| 00:00 - 00:03 | Mein Führer, the Sydney Sweeney ad has gone viral. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | It’s trending on every major platform. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Twitter, TikTok, even Threads. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Everywhere. Germany. Asia. Africa. America. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Even rural Botswana knows about it. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | That's excellent. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Just as planned. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Führer, |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | there's been... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | There's been some backlash |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | A dog whistle for authoritarian aesthetics. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone but the producers, leave the room |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT TITS! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | NOT A FASCIST RESURGENCE! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I WANTED PEOPLE TO THINK |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | NICE JEANS, NICE RACK |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | NOT HERE COMES THE 4th REICH! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I asked one intern to suggest “vaguely militant undertones” |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | and TikTok realizes I’m launching a propaganda campaign |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | through American Eagle?! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | They said the lighting resembled Triumph of the Will. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | NATURAL BACKLIGHTING! NATURAL!! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | But genes are passed down... |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | We were THIS CLOSE to getting GQ to do a spread called "Pinup Patriotism" |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Now it's ALL OVER! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | The whole plan's reduced |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | to an Instagram Marxist slideshow! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | I spent the past six months |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | getting in the denim industry |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | just to be accused of aesthetic fascism by people who stan Stalin-core! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I wanted people to zoom in on her cleavage |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | not zoom out and see a future of authoritarian rule! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | The target audience |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Was American men. American! |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Staring at her ass. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | And now |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | BECAUSE OF YOU FUCKING RETARDS |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Everyone knows what we're up to. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Sowing the seeds |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | of PROJECT 2025! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | YOU ALL FUCKED US! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's ok. You look good in the jeans. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | South Park told me |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | that woke is dead. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | They were wrong. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Well it's not over. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I'm going to find someone even whiter. Blonder. Bluer eyes. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | And put her everywhere. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Wokies be damned. |
