Hitler Tries to Join AP Standup on Time
61 views1/30/2026
It's 9:45, so...
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| 00:00 - 00:03 | Mein Führer, we have written three JIRA tickets |
| 00:03 - 00:05 | and we'd like to put them on the AP roadmap |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | here, here, and here. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | If the AP team agrees to put them in the next sprint |
| 00:12 - 00:16 | we think we can get them into production by Q3. |
| 00:17 - 00:20 | That's fine. We'll discuss at AP standup. |
| 00:20 - 00:22 | It should be starting right now, since it's 9:45. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Führer... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | OTTER... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | OTTER standup is running long. |
| 00:34 - 00:38 | They're discussing the burndowns again. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who doesn't know what a firewall cache proxy is, please leave the room. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Does Chip not have a watch?! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Something that tells time?! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | A wall clock? A kitchen timer? Even a fricking sundial?! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Over and over again |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I've told that guy |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | 9:45, 9:45, 9:45! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | That's when OTTER ends! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Those nice people on AP wait and wait and wait! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Führer, we're trying to estimate velocity... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | You can't estimate velocity if you can't count to 15! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Führer, we need the extra time to groom... |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | ...to groom the hair on your mother's back! |
| 01:52 - 01:55 | Don't you think the AP team has important things to do? |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Caleb? Sandy? Casey? |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Julia had to go to Nantucket to get something done! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | And don't get me started on poor Lars! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | How many memes does that guy have to create? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | The sheer creative energy it must take |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | to make meme after meme after meme |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | because none of you can buy Chip a freaking alarm clock! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Heavens to Betsy. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | It is completely exhausting |
| 02:34 - 02:38 | to never know if AP standup will start on time. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | And don't think I don't know |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | that 95% of the time, the reason they run long is because |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Chip wasted the first 10 minutes of the standup |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | telling dad jokes! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | And are they funny? |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Do they even make sense? |
| 03:04 - 03:10 | It's OK. Don't feel bad about giving Chip the dad joke book. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I really like the magic tricks. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | But the dad jokes... |
| 03:25 - 03:28 | I'll strangle the next person who tells me one. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I'm sorry, I've been a bit on edge lately. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | My life's been a total nightmare |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | ever since we switched to scrum. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I just really miss Kanban |