Hitler Hates E-bikes

12,961 views • 3/2/2020


A brief parody on the current tiff between cyclists who support recent federal rule changes by the Department of the Interior, classifying e-bikes as bicycles. This directive opens up significant sections of BLM and Park Service bike trails to e-bikes where they had previously been prohibited. Enjoy, and if this offends you, there's a tiny chance that you take yourself too seriously.


00:00 - 00:03We can't wait to ride the new e-bikes we just got -
00:04 - 00:05now that they're legal,
00:05 - 00:07we won't have to drive
00:08 - 00:12to the middle of BFE to be able to ride in peace.
00:12 - 00:15Also, those self-righteous do-gooders can't shame us on Facebook anymore
00:17 - 00:19So you guys are all in on
00:19 - 00:21these new-fangled contraptions?
00:24 - 00:26Yes, we all got e-bikes....
00:27 - 00:28they really are fun!
00:31 - 00:33We have more range now....
00:34 - 00:36And we can ride for longer, Mein Fuehrer!
00:53 - 00:58Everyone who isn't an elite mountain biker currently, please leave the room.
01:13 - 01:15They historically haven't been allowed
01:15 - 01:17to roam free on our local trails,
01:18 - 01:23because e-bikers lack the moral purity of traditional cyclists!
01:25 - 01:28And soon, average cyclists may have as much fun
01:29 - 01:31on our sweet single track as those
01:31 - 01:34of us who have been here suffering up these hills for years!
01:34 - 01:37These cycling infidels and miscreants shouldn't be allowed
01:37 - 01:40to ride as fast as us! It should be....illegal!
01:40 - 01:42But sir, shouldn't everyone enjoy bikes?
01:42 - 01:46Silence fool! These e-bikers are impostors!
01:46 - 01:48Sir, don't these e-bikers have the same right...
01:48 - 01:52Absolutely not! Oh, sure they pay the same taxes as us,
01:53 - 01:54and they belong to the same
01:56 - 01:57trail-maintenance organizations as us,
01:57 - 02:00but don't you think they've got some serious nerve
02:00 - 02:03enjoying the trails in a different way than us?
02:04 - 02:08We are working harder when we ride, and we're having less fun.
02:08 - 02:13Doesn't that seem fundamentally wrong to you guys?
02:14 - 02:16The last thing I want to see when I'm pounding
02:17 - 02:21up Pet-E-Kes is to some cupcake eating lard-ass making me look like I'm sitting still!
02:27 - 02:29I don't ride because it's fun.
02:30 - 02:34You all know this. Everybody knows this.
02:34 - 02:36I ride because it reminds me that
02:41 - 02:42I'm a better person than the slobs
02:43 - 02:47down at the gym riding that stupid elliptical machine,
02:48 - 02:53or worse yet, those damn dog walkers.
02:54 - 02:56How else will I feel better than everyone
02:56 - 02:59else now that anyone can access the places that only
03:00 - 03:02a few skinny, elite athletes have ever seen?
03:04 - 03:07He doesn't mean you, Karen. You're just big-boned.
03:14 - 03:16And to add insult to injury....
03:19 - 03:23They're polluting Strava.
03:25 - 03:26It makes me sick.
03:31 - 03:33I had a few KOM's that I know will never stand now.
03:40 - 03:46Sometimes I wonder why I even use HGH and testosterone. Why do I bother?
03:46 - 03:49If hard-core mountain biking is going to remain exclusive,
03:53 - 03:56some people just need to be excluded.