Goalhanger Films, 12th July 2020
The 2020 BritPod Awards; James Holland receives news from the front


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00:00 - 00:03We've entered the BritPod Awards
00:04 - 00:05After Phillippe Sand, it's no contest. Next stop, BBC4
00:05 - 00:07David Starkey's royally fucked himself
00:08 - 00:12They'll bin all that Tudor shite
00:12 - 00:15We'll have a series on the QF 17-pdr, no codpieces
00:17 - 00:19And the Operational Level
00:19 - 00:21A shit ton about the Operational Level
00:24 - 00:26Mr Holland
00:27 - 00:28We regret to inform you
00:31 - 00:33We...regretfully inform you...
00:34 - 00:36We... Did not win the award.
00:53 - 00:58We....Didn't win....
01:13 - 01:15I drove around in a tank for those ball-bags.
01:15 - 01:17A big, skanky fucking Russian tank
01:18 - 01:23I was polite about Al Murray's tramp beard
01:25 - 01:28I spent half a fucking episode talking about The Cult...
01:29 - 01:31And those shit-eating bastards did not even...
01:31 - 01:34Make us a runner-up in the Pop Culture category.
01:34 - 01:37Keith Park, Frank Messervy, Ian Astbury
01:37 - 01:40I rescue these men from the dustbin of history....
01:40 - 01:42Mr Holland, Ian Astbury isn't really a military figure...
01:42 - 01:46You think, sugar tits? You'd prefer Arthur Percival?
01:46 - 01:48Mr Holland, Percival was a bad General, and a worse Rock frontman, but...
01:48 - 01:52You'll still want me to do a Podcast about that bell-end, won't you?
01:53 - 01:54I should get a prize just for that!
01:56 - 01:57Singapore is one degree away from the shitting equator
01:57 - 02:00I can't talk about the 'brutal winters'.
02:00 - 02:03No 'man for man' quotes about the Japanese
02:04 - 02:08I can only say 'Tactical Chutzpah' twice max
02:08 - 02:13The degenerates who listen to this show will die of thirst...
02:14 - 02:16Playing 'We Have Ways of Making You Drink'!
02:17 - 02:21Can you even say 'Achtung, Achtung' in Malay?
02:27 - 02:29And Al tried so hard, building his little tanks
02:30 - 02:34The man's an artist. He made proper dioramas
02:34 - 02:36He even painted the little bloke in the turret's face properly.
02:41 - 02:42His Saddam Hussein impression was superb. SUPERB!
02:43 - 02:47He even used the word 'profligate' on the show
02:48 - 02:53Without looking pretentious.
02:54 - 02:56And those swine, those filthy fucking swine
02:56 - 02:59Still can't give our show a prize in the 'Family Podcast' category
03:00 - 03:02Just because of all the industrialized warfare!
03:04 - 03:07Don't worry, the 30% book discount is still valid
03:14 - 03:16It's hopeless. We still have to face those headcases, those thousands of headcases
03:19 - 03:23Who think the 88mm and the MG42 are the absolute tits.
03:25 - 03:26The Panzer-fanciers
03:31 - 03:33Those crayon eaters who don't get why Sten guns had to be cheap
03:40 - 03:46Those fart-sniffers, who go on and on about welding techniques in Type VII U-boat construction
03:46 - 03:49'They could go so deep!' Doesn't matter that we sunk them all
03:53 - 03:56Even Ian Astbury dresses up as a Fallschirmjäger on weekends