| 00:00 - 00:03 | Mein Fuhrer, I present you with the weather reports for the next Western Heights Open Weekend. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | They are not good. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Heavy showers are expected here at the Drop Redoubt, |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | North Entrance, the Grand Shaft, |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | the Citadel and St. Martins Battery. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | So Dover Castle will remain sunny, |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | and everything will be splendid there. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrer, |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | I'm afraid |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | English Heritage have booked the fine weather for the Castle. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | We anticipate lightning might strike the Grand Shaft. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone not on the planning committee leave the room. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I have had enough. |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | What the hell are you doing? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Every year you do this! Why do you keep betraying me? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Rain, bloody rain! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | And badgers. Wet badgers! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | They stink like hell! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Why can't you get it right? It's rained every time for twenty years, |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | English Heritage events always have wonderful weather! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Fuhrer, we don't have the finances.... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | It's not a question of money. How do they do it? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Fuhrer, they must control it somehow. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Do they have a Weather Gravitron Beam at the Keep? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Or a shamen? |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Or seaweed or frogs to lick? |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Or a pact with Comrade Stalin? |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Why do we always suffer? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Two years ago the moats flooded and the re-enactors nearly drowned. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | The public had to leave on life rafts
|
| 02:14 - 02:16 | ...those not wearing water wings. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | You could only enjoy it if you were the Man From Atlantis, |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | and he doesn't exist. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Parents were screaming and children were crying, |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | The marshals thought they were... |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | ...extras in Titanic, |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | which was a deeply shit film by the way. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | As we know it was a U-Boat disguised as an iceberg. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Our kind volunteers work so hard |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | to put a public event on |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | and that lot at the Castle sabotage it. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, don't cry. There is always next summer. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Go ahead, book the re-enactors anyway. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Perhaps ice-cream isn't so bad in the rain. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | And the hot dogs... |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | ...could have little cocktail stick umbrellas. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | The public are expecting an event, |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | and we have a duty to please them. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Lets rename it the Drip Redoubt. |
