| 00:01 - 00:07 | And in this Tragic News From Washington State |
| 00:08 - 00:13 | We Learned this morning that AJ was Dealt a Tragic Blow |
| 00:14 - 00:18 | As he was carrying his propane tank to his Vespa Scooter |
| 00:19 - 00:20 | And carrying a copy of Juggs |
| 00:21 - 00:23 | He slipped on a Teriyaki Slim Jim Wrapper |
| 00:24 - 00:30 | Which had been discarded on his stairs by an unknown assailant |
| 00:31 - 00:35 | Who escaped driving a truck with a snow removal device |
| 00:36 - 00:38 | attached with zip ties. |
| 00:39 - 00:42 | The suspect is travelling with his suspected posse, |
| 00:43 - 00:46 | which includes a man in a Dastaar, two distinguished gentleman farmers, |
| 00:46 - 00:49 | and a dwarf carrying a sex toy that looks remarkably like |
| 00:49 - 00:52 | a carnivorous fish. Film at 11. |
