Tuchel’s Half Time Team Talk
21 views6/19/2026
New footage released of Tuchel’s England half time team talk versus Croatia
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| 00:00 - 00:03 | Herr Tuchel, the first half has been completed. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Croatia are largely allowing us to have possession. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | They have not had to respond to our pressing |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Everytime we get the ball, it is mostly returned to John Stones |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Stones has had more touches than Kane, Bellingham and Gordon combined. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | What about Modrić? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | He is old and slow… |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Führer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | He appears comfortable. |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | He is controlling most of the midfield. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | He’s keeping Rice very quiet |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who believes Croatia’s veterans would tire naturally may leave the room. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Modrić is forty! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Perišić is thirty-seven. |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | And yet they are moving around this pitch like they have discovered time travel. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Meanwhile John Stones looks like Bambi on ice every time the ball arrives. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | It’s OK John |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | The ball reaches Stones. He slips. He stumbles. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | He turns around twice. Then he gives it back to Pickford. And we begin again. |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | At this point Jordan Pickford is our chief creative midfielder. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | The statistics suggest England are controlling possession. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Possession? Possession? I possess a lawnmower. That does not make it entertaining. Where is Rice? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Rice has been screening the defence. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Screening it from what? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | The match? |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Every time Modrić receives the ball there is enough space around him to build affordable housing. |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | And don’t get me started on Madueke. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Every attack ends like a Netflix series cancelled after one season. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | He beats his man. He beats him again. Then absolutely nothing. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Now I understand why he normally starts on the bench. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | No end product. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Why did we leave Foden at home for him? |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Reece James crosses the ball. Nobody attacks it. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Gordon makes a run. Nobody sees it. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Bellingham drives forward. Nobody joins him. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | This is not a football team. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | This is eleven separate customer service departments. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Modrić is forty. Perišić is thirty-seven. They’re showing more urgency than players half their age! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Every time we attack I look in the penalty area. Nothing. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | The striker is twenty yards away discussing tactics with the midfield. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | If Harry drops any deeper he will be sitting next to me. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It’s OK Harry, you don’t have to sit next to him. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Listen carefully. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | For the next forty-five minutes… I want somebody near Modrić. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | I want Kane near the goal. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I want Stones to remain upright. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | And I want Madueke to produce something more than disappointment. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | If these objectives prove impossible… |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | then we may as well ask Croatia whether they have room in their over-35s squad. |