| 00:00 - 00:03 | Thank you for joining us for this meeting. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We've heard reports of concerning anti-Devonshire talk, |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | from here on the A303, to here on the A30. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Witnesses report a curly-haired temptress being driven in a Honda by a Slav, |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | and they are currently around six miles away from Okehampton. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Shaun, why are you bothering me with these petty little problems- |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | and surreptitiously interrupting my call with the hot chick from WWF? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Fergus mate, |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | That chick is, um- |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | That chick is from Helston. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | She's working from a laptop from inside the Slav's Honda. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | The following are to stay; Nigel, Neil, Shaun - and Big Simple Andy. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Since when did WWF start employing the animals?! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I cannot believe I have fallen into this Cornish honeypot! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I am sick of these cretins using our roads to get to their fucking mudhuts and overrated pasties! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | "Honey look, we're 40 miles away from Bodmin!" |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Bodmin is a fucking shithole! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | These swine always think they are the best of the best- |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | "Oh look at me, my cider won four awards at the New Forest Cider Festival!" |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Your cider couldn't match the swill I give to my house pigs! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Fergus mate, we all know you were partial to a Rattler in your youth- |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | I was deluded! Under their control! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Fergus mate, just admit you liked it for the crisp, fresh flavour- |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | If you bring up my past one more time I will personally fuck you off to Redruth. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | The Cornish are mongoloids! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Curse me for saying this, but- |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | I hope every single middle-class, Surrey-born, matcha-wanking plebian, |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | buys up every single dwelling in that dump and turns them into AirBnBs! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Holiday homes as far as the eye can see, not a single local in sight! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | In fact, if I had it my way, I'd make it into a one giant fucking Thameslink station! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | - and the cream would ALWAYS go on the bottom! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | These treacherous charlatans can have their independence and fuck off back to France! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | "One And All" they say. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | That's actually their fucking motto! How can you be so up your own arse?! |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | The mind boggles with such arrogance! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | And their buses are shit. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Who wants to wait THREE hours for a fucking bus in the morning?! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | "Oh but its SO worth it for the picturesque Cornish lifestyle!" they say! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | What a load of utter horseshit! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | The only thing picturesque in Cornwall is view of Launceston- |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | from your fucking rear-view mirror as you arrive in DEVON! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Please understand my dear, his father was killed in a vat of Cornish milk. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | And yet every summer they get more tourists than we do. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | We do everything they do, better even, yet to Cornwall they all do flock. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | We need action. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Nigel, I've bought a house in Falmouth. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I always wanted to die right here in Plymouth, but I'm not spending my life playing second fiddle- |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | to these coal-mining jam-spreading Neanderthals. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | And that's why I'm leaving. |
