| 00:00 - 00:03 | New Year's Eve will be a grand celebration in Berlin |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Invitees will be whisked from Goering Airport |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | To the Donald Trump Ballroom formerly known as the Reichstag |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Dave Chappelle is on his way from Saudia Arabia |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Tucker Carlson just left Qatar on Turkish Airways |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Please have my limousine pull around the round-about |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | So I can surprise Anderson and Andy when they touch down |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My fuhrer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Steiner |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Steiner informed us Anderson and Andy hate your guts |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They added you look stupid in leather boots |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Beiden & rum, Harvey Keitel, yodeling, L.A. Crips -- if those 3 things scare you, leave the room. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Kaitlyn Collins has brainwashed Anderson and Andy! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Last year I told them to ditch Kathy Griffin and they followed suit! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I sent Anderson a telegram |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | that I cried watching his new program focused on how people handle grief |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Steiner is making this all up! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Anderson and Andy and I could have a threesome |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | And no one would know -- we all would be quieter than three mice |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | The only noise that would be heard is Steiner blasting farts in the hotel lobby |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | My fuherer you and Eva Braun have been a couple for 15 years now! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | An artist can switch hit if he so wants! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My fuherer, only David Bowie has the right to switch hit |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | You little twit, Bowie wouldn't be Bowie had he not been a druggie in Berlin |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Snap out of it! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Berlin was not a one-hit wonder |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Hits like Metro, otherwise known as SEX, and Take My Breath Away |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Randy Newman Loves LA? Well I love Berlin |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Reagan was right when he said Mr. Gorbochev |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Tear down that Wall! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Pink Floyd's The Wall is hard to understand! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Their music moves too slow, they're stalling! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I kept my collection of American records -- vinyl |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Phil Spector and the Wall of Sound moves me deeply |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | It stirs the heart and my furry |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Chubby Checker should never |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Duran Duran another ridiculous induction |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | ELO -- now that was a sound decision to grant membership into the Hall of Fame |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Elvis Presley was among the first to be granted entry |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | But can you believe Glen Campbell isn't? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Greta, do rhinestone cowboys make you wet? |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | New Year's Eve is supposed to be full of drunken giddiness |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I know I take things too personally |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | But Anderson and Andy |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | The dick must be long |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | And I was looking forward to telling Andy to his face |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Shut the fuck up, silly boy!! |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Happy New Year my ass |
