| 00:00 - 00:03 | We won five consecutive fantasy football games after that travesty against Post-Hut Clarity. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Unfortunately, that somehow wasn't enough to get a bye. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Everyone has more or less the same record. But because of some bullshit about total points, |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | the bye weeks ended up going to a couple of undeserving dweebs. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | So, we had to play the Hurt Village again |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Ah, well, we already beat them twice this year. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | That team is clearly overmatched and poses no threat. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Furher... Well... You see... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Your team... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Your team couldn't muster enough fantasy points. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | It looks like either Chris or friggin' Kerobel might win again this year. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | If it's in any way because of Caleb Williams, so help me I will Lose. My. Shit. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | THIS IS BULLSHIT |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | ITS OUTRAGEOUS. FUNDAMENTALLY UNFAIR. |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF WATCHING OBJECTIVELY WORSE FANTASY FOOTBALL PLAYERS WIN CHAMPIONSHIPS |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | HOW IS IT EVERY YEAR I FIND THE EXACT LINEUP THAT JUST DIS-A-FUCKING-PEERS IN WEEK 14?! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT THIS IS A NATURAL OCCURRENCE. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | THAT'S JUST A STATISTICAL IMPOSSIBILITY AT THIS POINT |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | BURROW. BIJAN. BUCKY. ALL WORTHLESS GARBAGE! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ABOUT THE TIGHT ENDS! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, you can't keep letting pro athletes ruin your life like this. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | I'VE BEEN GRINDING FOR FIFTEEN YEARS! IS A SINGLE FANTASY TITLE TOO MUCH TO GOD DAMN ASK?! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | I'm sure your strategic lineup changes gave your team their absolute best chance to win, sir. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | WELL FOR ONCE IT'D NICE IF THEIR BEST GOT PAST THE FIFTH-FUCKING-PLACE GAME |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | FUCKDAMMIT |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I haven't felt good about a fantasy team |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | since the heydays of JOSH. GORDON. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | I can't believe I'm getting nostalgic about JIMMY GRAHAM FOR FUCK'S SAKE. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | THIS IS IRREFUTABLE PROOF THAT THERE IS NO JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I SPEND THREE MONTHS ASSEMBLING THE FANTASY EQUIVALENT OF THE AVENGERS |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | JUST TO GET BOUNCED BY MOTHERFUCKING BO GODDAMN NIX?! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | SOMEONE. I BEGGETH THEE. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I doubt any human on Earth has encountered as much adversity as me. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | The sheer volume of bullshit I've had to endure is enough to leave the very FANTASY GODS in AWE. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | And, heroically, endure I have - assuming that surely it will pay off someday. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | And now... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I've become the very paradigm of the Recommendation. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Despair prevails. Laid bare is the futility not just of fantasy football, but life itself. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | My hope and toil has been met only with commensurate suffering. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Such is the inevitable outcome of all endeavors in this inherently fleeting existence. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | In this cruel and inequitable world, what else could one possibly Recommend? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | (Damn, he's right.) |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | After all, |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | if you can't win in fantasy, what chance is there to win... |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | in real life? |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Perhaps, it's time. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | For me not just to champion and promulgate the Recommendation. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | But to adopt it in earnest. And... |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | ...give up... |
