Spitfire Audio player updated
2 views • 10/24/2025
A tragicomedy about updates, AI, and eternal beta testing. Everything was fine… until the “performance improvements” arrived.
| 00:00 - 00:05 | So listen, listen |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | you remember the Solar Engine? |
| 00:07 - 00:10 | it actually worked! |
| 00:11 - 00:16 | Then one day they said: |
| 00:17 - 00:21 | Let's make it better! |
| 00:21 - 00:24 | now Logic opens it and - |
| 00:29 - 00:31 | Boom! |
| 00:31 - 00:34 | Your fans spin up like a helicopter! |
| 00:38 - 00:40 | You can't even move the mouse |
| 00:41 - 00:47 | Logic turns into slideshow presentation! |
| 00:47 - 00:50 | And wait, wait .. the Air Reverb |
| 00:50 - 00:56 | used duplicate IRs for half the mic positions! |
| 00:58 - 00:59 | You think you're |
| 00:59 - 01:01 | mixing surround, |
| 01:04 - 01:06 | but it's the same impulse |
| 01:06 - 01:08 | six times! |
| 01:13 - 01:14 | Then they say: |
| 01:14 - 01:16 | they fixed it! |
| 01:16 - 01:20 | And now it outputs in mono! |
| 01:21 - 01:27 | MONO! Lyndhurst hall sounds like a phone speaker! |
| 01:35 - 01:36 | Every fix |
| 01:36 - 01:39 | breaks something new! |
| 01:41 - 01:44 | The next patch will probably |
| 01:44 - 01:47 | remove sound altogether! |
| 01:47 - 01:49 | People complained on the forum |
| 01:50 - 01:53 | and they said: |
| 01:54 - 01:56 | Don't worry.. |
| 01:56 - 01:58 | AI is learning to solve it! |
| 01:58 - 02:02 | Now the AI just replies: |
| 02:05 - 02:07 | Have you tried reinstalling |
| 02:10 - 02:11 | your computer? |
| 02:11 - 02:13 | And the devs? Gone! |
| 02:15 - 02:17 | Sold the company to Splice! |
| 02:17 - 02:20 | They're on a beach somewhere |
| 02:21 - 02:28 | while making posts: |
| 02:29 - 02:30 | New player - |
| 02:30 - 02:32 | now even warmer! |
| 02:36 - 02:39 | Meanwhile, we're sitting here |
| 02:40 - 02:42 | with Logic at 1 FPS |
| 02:50 - 02:55 | a mono reverb, |
| 02:56 - 02:58 | and 200GB of libraries |
| 02:58 - 03:04 | that only open |
| 03:04 - 03:09 | if the moon's in the right phase! |
| 03:09 - 03:11 | But hey, |
| 03:16 - 03:20 | at least |
| 03:23 - 03:26 | the new AI writes |
| 03:31 - 03:36 | beautiful apology emails! |
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