| 00:00 - 00:03 | The Shrave is closed for 3 days |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Four Marks is cut off |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | There's no way to Alton |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | That means the posh from up there |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | like Snowy and Scouse will be at training |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | What's wrong with the Beech road |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | That would work |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mike |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Richard... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Richard said the road's too narrow for them |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They get panic attacks |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Stuart, Bob, Gary, you can stay |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | They're all shitting with me |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Where's Nick, gammy foot again? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Too cold for Dixie? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | What about Ed? At the Bridge I bet |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Tony Daly on holiday |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | The Octogenerion is fooking useless anyway |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | And James, where's James? |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | He's always missing |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mike you said he uses his elbows too much |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | I asked Scouse to sort him out |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | He said he tried but couldn't catch him |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | And what about Tom? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Meeting the King |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | That's less important than WF |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Stuart your knees are fucked |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | And you can't even see the goal |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Snowy thinks he's Neymar |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Abdul runs faster than Mo Farah |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And Jez shoots from the half way line |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Scouse runs into me and gets the decision |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | My knee ops went really well |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | and I love being back in defence |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | but they are all too physical |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | How can I feel safe |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | when my bodyguard Sven isn't here toprotect me |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Ken and Tim are the only really reliable ones |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Mick picks up the ball from passbacks |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | And Jez questions my referreeing |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | It's not my fault he can't count |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't get upset, they're just old farts reliving their youth |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I have to go on |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | They all rely on me |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | and you know |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | despite everything I love them |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | it's true they are crap |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | apart from Ant, he's class |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Set the pitch up |
