| 00:00 - 00:03 | Our Boss Vladimir Putin personally handed me |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | what Trump will call his Peace Plan |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | First, we'll stop all weapons aid to Ukraine |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | then we'll unfreeze all Russian assets and lift all sanctions |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Of course, Putin also gets the 4 regions he illegally annexed |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Tucker, you are a marvelous messenger boy |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Keep taking those trips to Moscow for orders |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mr. Trump, I think people may be catching on |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | that I'm an obvious Russian asset |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | It's true, they even suspect you Mr. Trump |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | of being both a Nazi and a Russian asset |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone other than Elon, Tucker, Hannity, Miller, RFK Jr. and the brainworm please leave the room |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | How did they figure it out? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Sure I kept "Mein Kamf" by my bedside |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | And sure I do everything Putin wants me to do, I nominate every Russian asset Putin asks for |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Even that Bashar Al-Assad cheerleader Tulsi Gabbard |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Don't cry Tulsi, you're a great Russian Asset |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I tried to disband NATO like Putin asked |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | I brainwashed the MAGA morons into thinking that |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Ukraine invaded Russia and that they're the bad guys |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, I do a great job of brainwashing morons every night too |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | So how did they figure it out Hannity? How do they know I'm a Nazi-loving Russian Asset? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir, Fox News has been echoing RT 24/7 |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | It's not good enough! Half the country still has enough brains |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | to know Putin pulls my strings |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Elon is a more obvious Nazi Russian Asset than me |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | And now people call Elon the President and call me the first lady |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | If it wasn't for the pee pee kompromat videos with those Russian hookers |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | where my Micropenis is obvious to all, I wouldn't have to take orders from Putin |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | OMG is MTG around here, I can smell that Bad Butch Body Odor even with the door closed |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | The HVAC system here at Mar-A-Lago hasn't worked properly |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | since I stuffed the ducts full of top secret documents for the FSB to pick up |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Why is it so hard to be a Russian Asset? |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | bent on destroying this country without people figuring it out |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I nominate Tulsi Gabbard to be the DNI |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I ask her for ONE simple thing |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Share all of our secrets with Vladimir Putin ... and don't make it obvious you're a Russian Asset |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | But NO, she echoes Kremlin talking points word for word even more than her favorite channel RT |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | She bombed the interviews with Senators on BOTH sides of the aisle |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | and it turns out she's also in some crazy Hawaiian cult too |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Why didn't Putin pick someone who isn't obviously a crazy Russian mole? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't cry Tulsi, you're a wonderful Russian Asset, and you smell better than MTG |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Putin also made me pick crazy-eyed Kash Patel |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | So he would stop any FBI investigations into our obvious Kremlin connections |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | But he's too crazy even for my administration |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Putin asks me to pick Hegseth to weaken our military |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Given that he's totally unqualified, always drunk, and trying to rape anything with a skirt |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | But nooo, the public can't overlook a belligerent rapist |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I think my diaper's full ... WHERE'S JD! |
