| 00:00 - 00:00 | . |
| 00:00 - 00:03 | The strategic method of going offensive needs to be discussed. |
| 00:04 - 00:07 | Our armies are stationed in the south and here, in the south-west. |
| 00:07 - 00:11 | The Russians are coming strongly from the East. They have completely overrun our defenses. |
| 00:12 - 00:16 | It's not looking good for our 9th, they've lost many. But these are not the latest map updates. |
| 00:17 - 00:21 | We need the latest strategic updates. Where are the updated maps? |
| 00:24 - 00:29 | My Führer, we cannot... |
| 00:31 - 00:36 | We haven't been able to download the latest updates. The internet is down. |
| 00:52 - 00:57 | Krauthals, stay in the room. Kitzler, Trinkenschuh, Schnitzelkopf, Bierkopf you also stay. |
| 01:12 - 01:15 | That was an order! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | You assured me the wifi extenders were installed! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Do you mean to tell me that the mightiest army in history cannot function because of... Wi-Fi?! |
| 01:24 - 01:28 | A service outage... what an embarrassment. |
| 01:28 - 01:34 | This is betrayal of the highest rank. You all assured me that Wi-Fi would be no problem. |
| 01:34 - 01:40 | All my generals and IT-men are useless, brainless idiots. Cowards of the highest rank- |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | My Führer, the cables are in place, but the internet provider— |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | The internet provider? Who is our incapable, cowardly, betraying provider? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | It's DeuscheNet's fault, not ours. |
| 01:48 - 01:53 | I don't care! You, as serving German men, should have fixed the issue. |
| 01:52 - 01:54 | You are all without honour. |
| 01:54 - 01:58 | No one here thought of installing a hotspot- or another extender. |
| 01:58 - 02:03 | DeutscheNet promised me 99% uptime and you promised me a successful war campaign. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Lies are coming from all sides. Everyone is praying for my demise. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | This is a betrayal of the highest order. Heads will roll for this impossible incompetence. |
| 02:13 - 02:17 | Our troops are stuck playing BlockBlast while the enemy streams howtowinawar.com. |
| 02:17 - 02:22 | This is truly a moment of deep shame for German war history, similar to Stalin's failures. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | All I want are the updated war maps. |
| 02:29 - 02:36 | And even this I have to do by myself. Just like how I conquered all of Europe unassisted. |
| 02:41 - 02:48 | Jewish-loving betrayers from the very beginning! I cannot trust anyone anymore. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | These perpetrators will learn their lesson and pay for their evil deeds. |
| 02:53 - 02:59 | Once they're hanging on the noose, Germany will rid itself of such filth! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | The Red Army will fall. And the internet industry with it! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | . |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry Inge, you will still have TikTok. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | . |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I fear it is over. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | . |
| 03:18 - 03:23 | With no stable Wi-Fi connection and no updated maps, I cannot lead further. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | . |
| 03:24 - 03:26 | It is over. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | . |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | The war is lost. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | . |
| 03:39 - 03:45 | If you think this will stop my Duolingo streak, you are wrong. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | . |
| 03:46 - 03:48 | I'd rather kill myself. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | . |
| 03:53 - 03:55 | Leave, I have to sulk. |
| 03:53 - 00:00 | . |
