| 00:00 - 00:03 | The winner of Philly and Tampa |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | will have to play |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | in Detroit |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | for the right to play for the NFC title |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | That winner plays in the Superbowl |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | That's fine and dandy |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | but what about the Dallas Cowboys? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir, |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | the Cowboys |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | they choked again. big time |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They lost to Green Bay. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | If you aren't in the fantasy football playoff league, please leave. Now. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | The Green Bay Packers!?!?!? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Are you serious!?!? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | They were a seven seed! A seven! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Seven seeds don't win playoff games! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | With garbage quarterbacks! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Year after year, same shit... |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | win 12 games, win 12 games, win 12 games |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | then Dak poops the bed like he always does!! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, Jordan Love played so well-- |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Jordan Love won nine games this year. Nine! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | He played lights out last week |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | That bastard just runied my fantasy team! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Start Dak they said! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Start CeeDee they said! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Play Cooks at your flex they said! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | And know I'm out after the first week |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | That's 50 bucks I will never get back! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | And that guy that played Stroud looks like a rocket scientist! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | The Cowboys always screw me over. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Romo's extra point fumble, the Dez catch no catch... |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | That's it. I'm done with them. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I can just root for the Texans. Or maybe the Saints. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Fool me once, shame on you. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Jerry Jones |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | That sorry hillbilly who thinks he can run a team! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | 13 playoff trips without a win. 13!! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Same shit. Different day! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | But like a dumbass I sign up for this mess. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | The hype! Empty promises.! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry. We usually draft well. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | This time for real. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I am done with this sorry ass team. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Jerry broke me. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Congrats, you rube. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | For you boys who drafted good teams, |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | good luck to all of you. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Football is fun. |
