| 00:00 - 00:03 | We'll have to draw more on the endowment |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | with dorm renovations and |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | construction of the second Chalgrove bridge. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | After three years of inflation the faculty want raises, |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | and we have trees to remove on campus. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | We can afford that, |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | with tuition from 400 new freshmen. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My president, |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | admissions |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | the admissions office only recruited 261. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | The Swagalog has failed to attract more. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | The following stay here: Norris, Pantele, McDermott, and Neal. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I told you the Swagalog is a great idea! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | And it is a great idea! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Its hip swagger is a magnet for young men! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | How can we only have 261 freshmen?! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | How can I run a college with no students? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | None of you still support me, not even the student senate! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | We should be turning students away at the gates, |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | and you have the audacity to tell me 261 students?! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | President, the Tiger editors said the Swagalog fails to reach young men. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Fuck Mr. Nivens and his editors, the little shits! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | President, he is an honors student and is likely to know — |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | No one likes the editors, and they don't have any friends. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | All they do is complain! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | And how many honors students came to my brotherhood dinner? |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | I ordered 800 entrees, and only 300 students came. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | They whine about the food, and they still don't come! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | And when I attend UPLS, they lock the door! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Don't get me started about the honors students! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | But that's not the point — 261 students?! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I built a science center, and you still can't recruit them. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | It's as if I'm the only one trying. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Do I have to go to high schools personally |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | and take 18 year olds by the neck? |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | What a shitshow. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I mean, were any of you even trying to recruit students?! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | So next year, we'll need 500 freshmen just to catch up. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Maybe that jackass Irons was right, |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | and there is a conspiracy of deans to undermine me. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Now I have to figure out which of you to fire! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay — he'll keep the secretaries. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I just don't understand it. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Didn't I add underglow on the Chalgrove bridge? |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Am I uncool? |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Well, there's no helping it. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | We'll have to lay off some staff and cut majors. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | And the faculty will love that. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Jesus wept, 261 students. |
