| 00:00 - 00:05 | One day my boss comes into my office |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Concita, business is very bad. Shimano and SRAM now have 11-speed groupsets like us. |
| 00:07 - 00:10 | I get worried that I would lose my job |
| 00:11 - 00:16 | I could see myself working for Shimano, eating sushi everyday with no authentic pasta and Italian espresso |
| 00:17 - 00:21 | But then I had an idea |
| 00:21 - 00:24 | Let's add one more cog to the cassette! |
| 00:29 - 00:31 | 1 cog! |
| 00:31 - 00:34 | The 12th is my mother-in-law's birthday, God bless her horrible food. |
| 00:38 - 00:40 | Then we made some pro teams... |
| 00:41 - 00:47 | ... ride 12-speed and talk in race interviews that it's the greatest invention since the wheel |
| 00:47 - 00:50 | And within weeks all those rich MAMILs started splashing cash on 12-speed |
| 00:50 - 00:56 | That were a pain to tune and the chains broke easily since they're narrower and lighter |
| 00:58 - 00:59 | They had to shift every 5 to 10 seconds... |
| 00:59 - 01:01 | ... and sounded like an old typewriter rolling on the road... |
| 01:04 - 01:06 | ... because they shifted more often than with 11-speed |
| 01:06 - 01:08 | Instead of focusing on the ride, they were too busy shifting |
| 01:13 - 01:14 | Then one day... |
| 01:14 - 01:16 | My friend from Continental Tires called me for advise on poor profits |
| 01:16 - 01:20 | ... I said just widen the tires by 2mm! |
| 01:21 - 01:27 | And everyone started buying 25mm tires, thinking they'll climb faster after we had GCN's help in hyping it up. |
| 01:35 - 01:36 | They think they can climb faster... |
| 01:36 - 01:39 | ... with wider and heavier tires. Soon, my friend was promoted to CEO. |
| 01:41 - 01:44 | The next month, my friend at Trek was complaining about the cyclocross segment... |
| 01:44 - 01:47 | He was saying cyclocross is dead, how do we improve? He asked me for advise... |
| 01:47 - 01:49 | ... so I said, look, it's very easy... |
| 01:50 - 01:53 | ... just rename it to "Gravel Bike". |
| 01:54 - 01:56 | They launched it and it was a big hit. |
| 01:56 - 01:58 | Cyclists in the big cities started buying gravel bikes... |
| 01:58 - 02:02 | ... and rode them on smooth tarmac when they could just ride road bikes or MTBs |
| 02:05 - 02:07 | There's more |
| 02:10 - 02:11 | My friend... |
| 02:11 - 02:13 | ... My friend... |
| 02:15 - 02:17 | ... My friend at Fulcrum wanted to improve... |
| 02:17 - 02:20 | ... sales of disc brake wheelsets. But the pros were reluctant to race on them... |
| 02:21 - 02:28 | I said bring a few big brands and pressure the UCI to force the pros to use disc brakes. |
| 02:29 - 02:30 | And the pros gave in? |
| 02:30 - 02:32 | Yes they gave in. |
| 02:36 - 02:39 | Now some pros use disc brakes that also double as rotating meat cleavers |
| 02:40 - 02:42 | And the consumers started imitating them |
| 02:50 - 02:55 | Gosh I feel so sorry for those pros. One wrong move and you can have your ear or thigh sliced off. |
| 02:56 - 02:58 | And the UCI isn't concerned? |
| 02:58 - 03:04 | Nah, they are in cahoots with the bike industry mafia. The more stuff the industry sells the more kickbacks they get. |
| 03:04 - 03:09 | They're just a bunch of fossilized grandpas who want to fatten their Swiss bank accounts. |
| 03:09 - 03:11 | Ah, like they have much time left to enjoy all that money. |
| 03:16 - 03:20 | Those dinosaurs... |
| 03:23 - 03:26 | They even had issues with O'Bree's washing machine pursuit bike... |
| 03:31 - 03:36 | ... and they want to keep the sport in a prehistoric state like themselves. No wonder pros had to dope, they couldn't go faster with their equipment. |
