Burkett - The Surfside Loser
12 views4/29/2026
Burkett loses it and becomes the greatest loser of Surfside history
0 Comments
Be the first to leave a comment.
▸Show captions (49)
| 00:00 - 00:03 | Mr. Mayor, the election results are coming in. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Shlomo Danzinger is pulling ahead. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | From every front… |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | The early voting numbers look bad. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | All over Surfside, number of mail-in-ballots were out of control |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | It's fine. I am not worried. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | With Tina Paul pulling in her votes, we'll keep control of Surfside. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Furher Burkett... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Tina Paul…. |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Tina Paul didn't win. She lost the race to Danzinger by only 22 votes. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | It’s over… |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone leave the room except the zoning board and Eliana |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | SHE LOST BY 22 VOTES?! 22 MEASLY VOTES?! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I was out there every single day acting like a damn traffic cop! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Sprinting down Byron Avenue, chasing speeding cars in my loafers! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Now we are going to see those giant boxes all over town! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Every single house is going to be replaced by a mega McMansion! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Every town event is going to have this disguting kosher food! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Next time they complain about a giant McMansion blocking their ocean view, they can call Shlomo! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | He's probably already zoning a three-story kosher supermarket right next to my house. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But sir, the voters complained that you were always loudly chewing |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Chewing what?! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | chewing your food loudly into the microphone at every single commission meetings |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I WAS EATING MY SNACKS! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CALORIES I BURNED |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | SENDING 12 SPAM EMAILS TO RESIDENTS EVERY SINGLE DAY?! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | And look at what's happening! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | The Shul of Bal Harbour is full of Jews and they are taking over Surfside! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Try to get a decent meal on a Saturday on Harding! Good luck! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | No restaurants are open on Saturday except Flanigan and that rusty pizza joint |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Now Tina is out, I'm out, and the entire town commission is going to be speaking Yiddish by Tuesday. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Who is going to aggressively sprint after a Honda Civic doing 35 in a 30 zone now?! Nobody! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I'm really going to miss that podium microphone. It tasted like pure authority. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | All my hard work, and Shlomo takes the seat over 22 votes... |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I gave my blood, sweat, and my ASMR chewing noises to this town. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Tina Paul was our last hope... |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Whatever. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I had the mute button! I controlled the clock! I was ALL POWERFUL among local municipalities! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | If a resident spoke out of turn, I'd drop the gavel on them so hard they'd feel it in Sunny Isles! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | And what about my loyal minions on the Planning and Zoning Board?! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | They worshipped me! They rubber-stamped every single thing I wanted without question! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Those commissioners were my personal lapdogs. When I said "deny this McMansion" they denied it |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | We had the perfect little local dictatorship going! |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Carlos was there for me…. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | A perfectly trained, loyal attack dog against these giant blocks that they call houses |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Poor Carlos... what is he going to do now? Actually read the zoning code?! |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I was the undisputed King of Surfside! You can't just evict a tyrant over 22 miserable votes! |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Without me holding the gavel, these meetings are going to descend into actual democracy… |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | It’s digusting… I can’t even fathom that this is happening… |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Fine. I'll just run for Condo Board President. I hear the power trip is intoxicating… |