Amazon at the doorstep

16,551 views • 11/15/2018

Description

Hitler reacts to Amazon's HQ2 invasion of Arlington, Virginia

Captions

00:00 - 00:03They've announced occupation of three neighborhoods
00:04 - 00:05They're calling it "National Landing"
00:05 - 00:07"Crystal City" is gone
00:08 - 00:12So is "Pentagon City"
00:12 - 00:15And "Potomac Yard"
00:17 - 00:19It's not a problem.
00:19 - 00:21I can still get a condo in Rosslyn
00:24 - 00:26My führer...
00:27 - 00:28Rosslyn has...
00:31 - 00:33Rosslyn has already been occupied by Nestlé
00:34 - 00:36Even the Blue line is full now
00:53 - 00:58If you own a home north of Lee Highway -- get out of the room.
01:13 - 01:15How the hell could this happen?
01:15 - 01:17There are TWO Whole Foods in Arlington
01:18 - 01:23And now I'll have to DRIVE to get to either one?
01:25 - 01:28If I wanted to use a car every day
01:29 - 01:31I'd already live in Manassass!
01:31 - 01:341.2 million dollars for a STUDIO?
01:34 - 01:37Aurora Highlands is now some kind of
01:37 - 01:40Techbro Disneyland?
01:40 - 01:42You can take a scooter to Whole Foods
01:42 - 01:46A scooter. From Bailey's Crossroads!?
01:46 - 01:48They're bringing 25,000 jobs!
01:48 - 01:52Do I LOOK like a fucking programmer?
01:53 - 01:54I'm a GS-14.
01:56 - 01:57I get COLAs. That's it.
01:57 - 02:00And now Virginia will bankrupt itself
02:00 - 02:03Building Tech's "Innovation Campus"
02:04 - 02:08Training kids to organize boxes faster
02:08 - 02:13With not even a new BUS for Columbia Pike
02:14 - 02:16Much less a Streetcar!
02:17 - 02:21The rest of the CIP is now delayed for 15 years!
02:27 - 02:29I moved out of DC on purpose.
02:30 - 02:34I made friends in Arlington
02:34 - 02:36I wanted a place with beer gardens
02:41 - 02:42And now Amazon gets it all themselves
02:43 - 02:47TWO new metro entrances, "complete streets"
02:48 - 02:53and a HELIPAD
02:54 - 02:56For their new HQ building
02:56 - 02:59With a WALKWAY to National Airport
03:00 - 03:02Which will only fly to SEATTLE!
03:04 - 03:07Don't worry. You can still use Dulles!
03:14 - 03:16I hoped after BRAC
03:19 - 03:23I could at least get a bungalow
03:25 - 03:26And keep the dog
03:31 - 03:33And now my only hope
03:40 - 03:46Is to gentrify Annacostia
03:46 - 03:49And rebrand it as "Capital Hill South"
03:53 - 03:56And pay 10% income tax