| 00:00 - 00:03 | Yes, that is absolutely correct. |
| 00:03 - 00:07 | He's been seen fishing specific spots here, here and here |
| 00:08 - 00:13 | We also have very reliable information that he's been seen fishing similarly... |
| 00:10 - 00:15 | ...in these locations. |
| 00:17 - 00:23 | So... Jason Christie is treating his fans on the water to a victory lap. |
| 00:23 - 00:29 | Mein Fuehrer... Jason Christie... |
| 00:30 - 00:35 | Jason Christie is running around like a madman. He's spinning out after hearing about Evers' big sack. Evers has won. |
| 00:52 - 01:00 | If you don't own the following, get out... Power Poles, Vision 110s, an Ecoboost or a Yeti... |
| 01:13 - 01:14 | What the hell?!? |
| 01:15 - 01:18 | What do you mean, Christie "spun out"?!?!? |
| 01:19 - 01:23 | He had a damn lead of over 6 pounds after day 2 for crying out loud!!! |
| 01:25 - 01:27 | And now you say Evers has won? |
| 01:29 - 01:33 | I bet he was fishing those damn brush piles that his in-laws put out for him! |
| 01:34 - 01:36 | They were probably seeded with dog food! |
| 01:36 - 01:38 | Someone told him the damn "Color"!!! |
| 01:38 - 01:40 | I can't freakin' believe Christie spun out like that!!! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Feuhrer, someone told him about Evers' big sack! |
| 01:42 - 01:45 | Damn his nads! I had Christie on my fantasy team!!! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Feuhrer, you might still have done well. |
| 01:48 - 01:51 | Yeah... because I had KVD and Ike on my team as well... Shit! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Did you see their weights yet, dumbass?!? |
| 01:56 - 02:03 | I suck at Fantasty Fishing! Hell, I might as well get a job at Bass Pro selling timeshares in Branson! |
| 02:04 - 02:07 | Yeah... People could complain about me helping out at the reel counter. |
| 02:09 - 02:13 | I could spend my days pushing Pro Qualifiers! |
| 02:13 - 02:16 | Yes, that's all I have to look forward to, now. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Or maybe I'll just buy a jersey and walk around bothering people in the store... |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Yeah... maybe that's the ticket... |
| 02:28 - 02:33 | I could pull it off... |
| 02:32 - 02:34 | I could look like a pro... |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | ...I could fool everyone! |
| 02:41 - 02:47 | I could be just like all the patch pirates on BBC... Children by the aquarium would ask me questions! |
| 02:48 - 02:52 | I could teach people about transits and counsels and chime walk! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Aw... What in the hell am I saying?!? |
| 02:56 - 02:58 | I am good enough to be a real pro-staffer!!! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I want an awesome wrap like James Watson has on his boat!!! |
| 03:05 - 03:07 | See, there's still hope for you, honey. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Let's all just go to the weigh-in now... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | At least we can be entertained by Dave Mercer... See a few big grunters. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Hopefully, none of you brings a wet squirrel. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I guess E-Squared has finally won the Classic... |
| 03:40 - 03:48 | ...fishing from a crappy Nitro, using BPS Snoopy poles. I don't even know how that's possible... I'm moving to Kansas... |
| 03:54 - 03:55 | ...and buying a Ranger. |
