| 00:00 - 00:03 | Russian infantry have moved into position here and here |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Just a few kilometers from our eastern border |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | It looks likely that Putin's ambitions go beyond Ukraine |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | We must assume that he is positioning to invade eastern Europe |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | And likely Germany as well |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Let him come |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | With our superior weapons we will easily repel any attack |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrer... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | We have discovered... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | We have discovered that our new G36 rifles are crap |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They are completely useless in combat |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Those of you who recommended the G36 stay. Everyone else leave the room now |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Didn't I tell say that we should keep our G3 service rifles?? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | The G3 was a proven German design that we could be proud of |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Unlike that unproven gas operated mattel toy G36 |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | But all of the cool armies were switching to 5.56 rifles |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | And all of you said we would look like dorks... |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | with our soldiers fielding old fashioned full size battle rifles |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Who is going to look like a dork now after we lose a war... |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | because our sexy new G36 rifles can't hit the broad side of a barn from inside the barn |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Fuhrer the G36 has been featured in more Hollywood movies... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Germans don't win wars in Hollywood movies |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | When we adopted the G36 there was no chance of a real war |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | We are Germans, there is always a chance for war |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | We love war! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | And we have always had weapons capable of winning wars |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | The delayed roller lock design was a masterpiece of German engineering |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | The G3 was a weapon that inspired fear in our enemies |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | If we could have introduced it just a few years sooner... |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | we would have had the jump on the Belgian FAL and it would have been the darling of Hollywood movies |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Our own G3 might have been the Right Arm of the Free World |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Instead we are now facing an invasion of half a million Russians armed with Kalashnikovs |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Kalashnikov, now there is a masterpiece |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Inspired our own German masterpiece, the Sturmgewehr 44 |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | The only thing the G36 inspires is airsoft accessories |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Our enemies laugh at us now |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | All of our former enemies build better weapons than we do |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | The most insignificant countries are now fielding rifles that we can only dream of |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Belgium, Switzerland, Austria... |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | even France finally built a rifle that can beat us |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | All we had to do was adopt the Swiss Sig 550 based on the Kalashnikov |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | I'm sure some of our reserve troops still use G3s |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Sure the Americans and British use crap... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | But even the Jews build better weapons than we do now |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | H&K douchebags... |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | They've screwed all of us |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Call the Jews and tell them we're sorry... |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | See if they will sell us some Tavors |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | God help us if they won't |
