00:00 - 00:03Mr. President, we've adopted the new dress code that you ordered.
00:04 - 00:05We have some news from the 2019 elections.
00:05 - 00:07In Virginia, Democrats have taken control of both the state House and Senate,
00:08 - 00:12giving them full control of state government for the first time since 1994.
00:12 - 00:15We did win the governor's race in Mississippi, which is...
00:17 - 00:19the poorest and most conservative state in the country.
00:19 - 00:21I'm glad then that I campaigned hard to get Bevin re-elected governor in Kentucky.
00:24 - 00:26Mr. President, ...
00:27 - 00:28Bevin
00:31 - 00:33Bevin has been defeated by the Democrat, Andy Beshear.
00:34 - 00:36Bevin is toast.
00:53 - 00:58If you have been subpoenaed by the impeachment committee, please leave.
01:13 - 01:15I am a stable genius!
01:15 - 01:17I didn't even want to be president! I only ran to goose the ratings for The Apprentice.
01:18 - 01:23And now they want to impeach me?
01:25 - 01:28I can't even go to a baseball game without getting booed.
01:29 - 01:31The whole crowd was booing.
01:31 - 01:34"Lock him up!" they kept chanting. Don't they have any respect?
01:34 - 01:37Even Melania understood what they were shouting.
01:37 - 01:40She wouldn't even touch the hot dog I tried to slip her.
01:40 - 01:42Mr. President, Melania prefers peanuts and cracker jack.
01:42 - 01:46I don't care if I never get back!
01:46 - 01:48Mr. President, it's one, two, three strikes you're out.
01:48 - 01:52We haven't even built the wall yet!
01:53 - 01:54I'm so tired of all this winning.
01:56 - 01:57Sean Spicer has quit. Michael Flynn is in prison.
01:57 - 02:00Even that cow Sarah Huckabee Sanders is at Fox News now.
02:00 - 02:03All we could get to take her place was that bimbo Stephanie Grisham.
02:04 - 02:08Nice tits, but she winced when I tried to grab her ass.
02:08 - 02:13For god's sake, can't we get a nice Aryan blonde in here?
02:14 - 02:16Bring me a blonde with big bazungas.
02:17 - 02:21I'm famous, you know. Get me a Hollywood starlet!
02:27 - 02:29At least Putin is my friend.
02:30 - 02:34Putin will help. He'll have his bots on Facebook,
02:34 - 02:36telling everyone that Biden is corrupt, or Sanders is a ranting old man
02:41 - 02:42or Warren wants to spend trillions of dollars on health care.
02:43 - 02:47For God's sake, we're already spending a trillion a year on the deficit I created.
02:48 - 02:53How the hell is she going to afford anything for health care?
02:54 - 02:56The Democrats are crazy, and Putin will tell everyone
02:56 - 02:59Then he'll tell North Korea to be my friend,
03:00 - 03:02and North Korea will tell China to buy our stuff again.
03:04 - 03:07Has he grabbed you too?
03:14 - 03:16I actually ate a Trump steak once.
03:19 - 03:23It tasted like Nancy Pelosi's ass.
03:25 - 03:26Not that I would know what that tastes like.
03:31 - 03:33My prick is alone.
03:40 - 03:46I need to go tweet something about the failing New York Times.
03:46 - 03:49At least people still think I'm a billionaire.
03:53 - 03:56They haven't found out yet...