The Park and Riding Policeman
The Chief Constable learns of news that one of his Chief Superintendents has left him in an awkward position


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00:00 - 00:03The STORM incident was restricted as soon as possible.
00:04 - 00:05But as soon as word got out there were some shaggers
00:05 - 00:07sets came from all over the place.
00:08 - 00:12Even CPT shouted up for the job -
00:12 - 00:15probably because it was next to the 24 hours McDonalds.
00:17 - 00:19Well at least CPT will have written the job off
00:19 - 00:21without putting down their coffees.
00:24 - 00:26Chief Constable...
00:27 - 00:28The officers...
00:31 - 00:33The officers reported it to their Sergeant.
00:34 - 00:36Their Inspector then notified Professional Standards.
00:53 - 00:58I want any boss who can't tell me what 'VPD' stands for to leave immediately.
01:13 - 01:15What a fucking idiot.
01:15 - 01:17He was promoted to be 'Top Cop' not 'Top Shagger'.
01:18 - 01:23The fact he was photographed in that stupid dog costume...
01:25 - 01:28didn't mean he had to be an actual fucking dogger.
01:29 - 01:31The fake tanning I could live with.
01:31 - 01:34But being too tight to pay for a hotel when you're on 80 grand a year
01:34 - 01:37AND pumping a millionair's Mrs
01:37 - 01:40makes less sense than having two different collar numbers.
01:40 - 01:42We ought to commend the integrity of the officers who...
01:42 - 01:46Don't start spouting that "integrity" shite just because it's on your screensaver.
01:46 - 01:48Sir, all officers must abide the laws they uphold.
01:48 - 01:52Yes, I am aware of that, you brown nosing 'Acting Cunt-stable'.
01:53 - 01:54But for fuck sake.
01:56 - 01:57The irony of the Divisional Commander
01:57 - 02:00getting lifted slightly outweighs the benefit of
02:00 - 02:03getting a couple of probationers some examples for their next form.
02:04 - 02:08How fucking stupid could he be?
02:08 - 02:13The next thing you're going to tell me is that it happened in broad daylight.
02:14 - 02:16And that he was in his own fucking car on CCTV.
02:17 - 02:21Of course, none of this would matter if we had a Moodle on how not to grass up your own colleagues.
02:27 - 02:29Police Scotland was finally getting on track.
02:30 - 02:34For the first time we had a Chief Constable - me - in danger of actually NOT getting sacked.
02:34 - 02:36I knew things were going too well.
02:41 - 02:42And now yet another boss has fucked up.
02:43 - 02:47All because he couldn't stop his baton from entering a member of the public.
02:48 - 02:53I knew that having only dirty old white men running the organisation was a bad idea.
02:54 - 02:56And there's no talent to replace him.
02:56 - 02:59It's going to have to be another useless twat who doesn't know how to arrest someone.
03:00 - 03:02Or a probationer who only writes in crayon.
03:04 - 03:07Don't worry, I'm sure you were his favourite.
03:14 - 03:16Of all the shit we used to get away with
03:19 - 03:23we've been fucked over by a bog standard CID extramarital shag.
03:25 - 03:26I hate accountability.
03:31 - 03:33This is one steaming shite that we can't roll downhill.
03:40 - 03:46We'll just have to deal with this the way we normally deal with a fuck up:
03:46 - 03:49bring out a new SOP which evades all managerial responsibility
03:53 - 03:56and then tweet yet another picture of a fucking puppy.