| 00:00 - 00:03 | The STORM incident was restricted as soon as possible. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | But as soon as word got out there were some shaggers |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | sets came from all over the place. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Even CPT shouted up for the job - |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | probably because it was next to the 24 hours McDonalds. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Well at least CPT will have written the job off |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | without putting down their coffees. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Chief Constable... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The officers... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The officers reported it to their Sergeant. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Their Inspector then notified Professional Standards. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | I want any boss who can't tell me what 'VPD' stands for to leave immediately. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What a fucking idiot. |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | He was promoted to be 'Top Cop' not 'Top Shagger'. |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | The fact he was photographed in that stupid dog costume... |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | didn't mean he had to be an actual fucking dogger. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | The fake tanning I could live with. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | But being too tight to pay for a hotel when you're on 80 grand a year |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | AND pumping a millionair's Mrs |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | makes less sense than having two different collar numbers. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | We ought to commend the integrity of the officers who... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Don't start spouting that "integrity" shite just because it's on your screensaver. |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir, all officers must abide the laws they uphold. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Yes, I am aware of that, you brown nosing 'Acting Cunt-stable'. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | But for fuck sake. |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | The irony of the Divisional Commander |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | getting lifted slightly outweighs the benefit of |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | getting a couple of probationers some examples for their next form. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | How fucking stupid could he be? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | The next thing you're going to tell me is that it happened in broad daylight. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And that he was in his own fucking car on CCTV. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Of course, none of this would matter if we had a Moodle on how not to grass up your own colleagues. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Police Scotland was finally getting on track. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | For the first time we had a Chief Constable - me - in danger of actually NOT getting sacked. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I knew things were going too well. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | And now yet another boss has fucked up. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | All because he couldn't stop his baton from entering a member of the public. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I knew that having only dirty old white men running the organisation was a bad idea. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | And there's no talent to replace him. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | It's going to have to be another useless twat who doesn't know how to arrest someone. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Or a probationer who only writes in crayon. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, I'm sure you were his favourite. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Of all the shit we used to get away with |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | we've been fucked over by a bog standard CID extramarital shag. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | I hate accountability. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | This is one steaming shite that we can't roll downhill. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | We'll just have to deal with this the way we normally deal with a fuck up: |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | bring out a new SOP which evades all managerial responsibility |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | and then tweet yet another picture of a fucking puppy. |
