| 00:00 - 00:03 | Grave news has been received of a threat to German chess |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | For some time the Berlin Defence has threatened to refute 1. e4 |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Club players are switching to 1.d4 in the Berlin area |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | They are playing 2. Lf4 regardless |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | The Berlin Defence is not being played |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | I blame Michael Franklin for this idea |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | What does Lajos and Herman Steiner say ? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Steiner is playing the London System himself |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The Queen's Gambit is inferior |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Steiner shows +0.1 for White after 2. Lf4 ! |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | AND they are deferring Sf3 |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | I want Keitel, Jodl and Krebbs to remain |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Surely Black can equalise ! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | We can attack the b2 pawn |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | c5 attacks the wretched d pawn |
| 01:24 - 01:26 | and listen to Ben Finegold |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | What is wrong with an early Lf5 ? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Attack the White squares ! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | We don't need the dark squares |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | A rook cannot get to b1 |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Play c4 and use the b file ! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | We are burning all books on Lf4 |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | But what about the Interweb ? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | They are watching DVDs ! |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Burn the DVDs ! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Chess Clubs must be shut down ! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Chess players are to be rounded up |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | and sent to Berlin for education |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | This poison must be halted |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Where is Vladimir Kramnik ? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | We need another Kasparov - Kramnik match |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | What about the Exchange Slav ? |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | or the Exchange French ? |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Surely there are even more dull openings ? |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | What does Houdini Pro say ? |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | The assessment MUST be 0.00 ! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | We have the best defence in the world |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | After 3...Sf6 it is a forced draw ! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Kramnik spent years developing this |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | We invested millions of marks |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | and you tell me it all wasted |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Print more money ! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | We can always play the Colle System |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Can we at least play 1..h6 and 2.. g5 ? |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Stop that damned bishop staying on f4. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | All Black players will play The Borg |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | The London System will not prevail |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | It is a threat to our very existence |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | You have your orders. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I will retire now |
