War against the Curlews on Walshaw Moor
63 views5/21/2026
The following account of a meeting of the Curlew Eradication Project gives some insight into the difficulties Mr Wilson’s ludicrous proposal must face on the SPA.
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| 00:00 - 00:03 | The South Pennines are infested with curlews, polluting the wind with their burbling. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | The whole of Bronte Country is infested |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Here, here and here. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | one of the densest concentrations of breeding curlews in Western Europe |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | These curlews are everywhere! |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | We start in Colne |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Flame throwers |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | But sir |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | but |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | An excellent close-quarter weapon |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Drive them from the stronghold |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | fragment the breeding ground; dry out the habitat; encourage predators |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Kill these curlews!!! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | the chicks already have been hatched! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | We launch our counter-offensive not a moment too soon. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | a glorious wader-free future |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | these curlew-fiddling Ministers! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | a curlew-free Kingdom. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | begin the extermination |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Have you been watching Attenborough? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But what about the hippies in Hebden? |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Destroy those too! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | But they are middle-class |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | They smell of humous |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | and herbal tea |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | bloody poets! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | and scriptwriters with agas |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Organic yoghurt eaters! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | With their independent shops |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | and their open mic nights |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | they all have beards |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | even the women |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | all I am asking |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | is the total destruction |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | of these vermin |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Bannister! |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | he didn't go far enough |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | to piss them off |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | wash them from the |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Calder Valley, every one |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | what's wrong with burning peat? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | I think he's lost it |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | it's not a bad idea |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | these hippies and curlews |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | all the same |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | will I never have peace? |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | find their spoken word events |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | report back to me |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | we'll start with the Trades Club |