| 00:00 - 00:03 | We've mapped out a bitchin' route for you and your crew. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | that will take through some great twisties |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | to the music festival in Gypsum. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | But we're having an issue routing you from Leadville. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Weekend construction is tying up the road. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | We'll just up and over Haggerman. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | And be there in plenty of time for Snoop. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Fuhrer.. |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Some of the crew... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Some of the crew are uncomfortable riding Haggerman. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | The descent down the north side is loose and rocky. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Those of you on DR 650s, EXC-F 500s and KLR 650s can leave the room. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I'm sick of this horse shit. |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | You are all a bunch of spineless bitches |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Riding baby scooters that couldn't climb out of your own vaginas. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Kristoff on his KTM 790 with that stupid nut-sac gas tank |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | It looks like my wife's dumpy ass. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | And Klaus on his weak-ass KLX 300 |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | couldn't pass a Prius loaded with those cows from The View. |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | ..in a fucking school zone! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | My Fuhere, Klaus will actually be riding his 1250 GS |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | The 1250 is the most embarrassing thing to come from Bavaria since Falco! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My Fuhere, the 1250 has off road ride modes.. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | My DR has only ONE ride mode you ball sack. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | It's called - "Hold on and Fucking Pray" |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Klaus has owned that beast |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | for 3 years now. And he is still afraid to drop it. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Because an OEM brake lever alone costs $200 to replace. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | And that pig all loaded up with Touratech cases. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I tried helping him pick it up the last time he dumped it.. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And I blew out my left testicle |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | When that fucktard pulled out his first aid kit I wanted to strangle him. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | And Johan with his E-Ride Pro SS |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Where's the soul? Where's the Akropovic growl? |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | It sounds like an effeminate Roomba. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | And that weak ass frame |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | is like a calcium deprived 80 year old womans skeleton. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | You can drop my DR off a cliff and its frame would shatter the rocks below! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | And a hundred miles into a ride, |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | that fucking Johan is looking for an outlet |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | A fucking outlet! on Bear Pass. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | You're e-bike is fine Hilda. You only ride the bike path. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | ABS this.. Traction Control that. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | ABS might as well stand for.. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Absent Ball Sack. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | And Traction Control? |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | How about you all just get control of your own estrogen levels.. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | and throttle out like men. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I'm truly alone. |
