| 00:00 - 00:03 | Mr Matty, we have the scores |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | After the first round |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | here at the Legends Course |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Many teams are already broken |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Poor GT played today on his own, your plan to give his Barky worked |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Has anyone noticed I’m leading? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Did they realise I didnt reduce my handicap after winning last year? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | ahhh Matty…. |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Well……. |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Fuck yeah they all did! |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Even a spud like Josh worked it out! |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | I cook them eggs, fuckin’ fajitas and crepes…..anyone who scored less than 49 points, get out!’ |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | That’s a Penalty! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | They are meant to be too drunk to know! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | How can I win TPC a 6th time, and win it more than Banny |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | If you let people know what I’m doing |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | …….You’re ok, you didn’t get Munter |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I rig the draw, I put Mal |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | In the low handicappers |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | So I couldn’t get him as my partner |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Malcolm is a fine golfer and his G&Ts are divine |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | He looks like a Simpsons Villian, Hank Fuckin’ Scorpio! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Yes, he does play pool slowly |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I don’t care if he makes hellacious G&Ts |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I make GT play on his own… |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Barky is a lead weight |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | And Mitch & Clint 2 |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Care more about Cowboy hats than golf |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | And Jason has to put up with Josh all day |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Munter is lucky to keep the ball on either property at Moonah |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Can you believe he used to play off 15?!? |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Banny is more likely to talk a ball off the tee than hit it |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Surely Clinton will be broken by Blakey? |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Every night at drinks, he says he loves everyone |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I keep topping up the slushie machine |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Josh and Mitch virtually swim in it |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | How can they have any brain cells left? |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I can’t give better golfers than me, Jason, Clinton, GT and Ian |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Any bigger lead weights than their partners |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | To show you how long I planned this |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I make up Cyclone Alfred to keep Carl away |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Oh GT, I’m sure Barky might play better tomorrow |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Ok, to make me look fair, I’ll give more handicap |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | To people who can’t win, Malcom & Richard |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Well at least I didn’t fall asleep like Anand |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | My reputation as Mr Big Drinker is intact |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Saturday night, everyone will drink up |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | The party will be swinging until 3am |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | No one will remember how I rigged TPC 25 |
