| 00:00 - 00:03 | Teams have scoured the city of Springfield, Ohio sir. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | As you requested... |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | ...we checked every neighbourhood in the city |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | looking for evidence that Haitian immigrants |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | are eating peoples pets. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | So what evidence |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | have you brought to me this morning? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Fuhrer.. |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | I'm afraid... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | we cannot find any evidence this is happening. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | None whatsoever! |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everybody leave. Except JD, Hannity, and Loomer |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | WHEN I SAID TO GO TO SPRINGFIELD |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | TO FIND EVIDENCE OF HAITIAN IMMIGRANTS |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | EATING CATS AND DOGS AND PET BIRDS AND GOLDFISH... |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | IT WAS AN ORDER |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | NOT A REQUEST |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | We're tied with the Democrats in the polls |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | And Joe Biden is lying on a beautiful beach somewhere... |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | while people are trying to KILL ME |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | I should remind you that Joe Biden is not running against you now |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | DID I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK? You PATHETIC WEAKLING! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My Fuhrer...we have to focus on defeating Kamala Harris |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | When I Was Running against Biden, I was leading in the polls |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Then some idiot told me to debate him |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | that everything would turn up roses |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | and we'd cruise to election victory |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | And I was FOOLISH ENOUGH TO LISTEN TO THEM! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Now LOOK AT ME...stuck in a windowless underground bunker |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | falling in the polls, and AVOIDING ASSASINATION ATTEMPTS |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | while Biden goes golfing without people trying to KILL HIM! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Is it TOO much to ask in this country TO MAKE ME PRESIDENT |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | so I can stay out of prison |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | All I want is...a little respect |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | and to RIP UP THE CONSTITUTION |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | So I can punish my enemies |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | NO MERCY FOR PEOPLE WHO MOCK ME, OR WANT TO THROW ME IN PRISON |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | WE WILL SMOKE THEM OUT IN THEIR HIDING HOLES |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | And then we will strip them naked |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | and parade them through city streets and towns |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | and then execute them in a public square |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | I'm sure he doesn't mean it, and just going through one of his spells |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I have a concept of a plan |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | to put this fire out... |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | we'll just... |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | keep saying it's true... |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | that Haitian immigrants are indeed eating cats and dogs in this shithole town |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | and if the media says we're lying |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | we'll call them fake news |
