| 00:00 - 00:03 | We wrote a new channel file |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We pushed the file |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | to all sensors globally |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | We waited until early read-only |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | friday morning to do this |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | So all sensors are online |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | and working correctly? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrur |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The sensor file |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | was a bunch of zeros |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | and all the computers are BSODing |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who has a broken PC leave the room |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | how could you do this |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | what were you thinking |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Delta airlines is down |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | there are 5 day delays on flights |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | 8.5 million PCs affected |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | 20.4 billion dollars of lost revenue |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | we're been called CLOWNstrike |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | sentinel one is going to eat our lunch |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir we have no actual testing... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | don't push untested updates to millions of PCs at once |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | but our platform doesn't have any rollout controls |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | do you hear what you're saying |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | millions of people are out of work today |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | most orgs will need to roll a truck |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | to every single affected pc |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | they'll need bitlocker keys |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | that are on DCs that don't boot anymore |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | it could take months to recover |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | if you factor 10 minutes at each machine |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | multiplied by 8.5 million pcs |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Crowdstrike? More like CloudStuck |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I've been called to testify in front of congress |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Our stock is down |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | We're being sued |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | How will I afford my 4th mega yacht |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Southwest avoided the issue |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | by running on Windows 3.1 |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | maybe that's what we should do here |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I should replace your computers with etch-a-sketch |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | it's ok, bash runs on etch-a-sketch |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I'm runied |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | We did the same thing back at Kaspersky |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Now we'll have to find an intern to blame |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | and then fire... out of a cannon |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | We'll just pay off those affected with $10 uber eats credi |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Then cancel the code |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Break them again for all I care |
