Hitler Reacts to Antisemitic College Protests
932 views5/2/2024
watch Hitler lose it over a campus protest crisis of epic proportions — a severe shortage of ethical antizionist eating options! The furious Fuhrer discovers there's nothing vegan or gluten-free made without Zionist involvement, and the harsh truth that he’s viewed as nothing more than a white, privileged brainwashed zealot.
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| 00:00 - 00:03 | Gluten Free Pizzas airdropped here |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Fiji Water drone delivery here |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Hemp Keffiah's here |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Several students had a panic attack when one delivery contained Panko |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | And sadly Whole Foods ran out of sugar-free ketchup |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | liquid ketchup is too triggering |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | we can just eat raw cherry tomatoes |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Fuhrer... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | cherry tomatoes |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | cherry tomatoes were invented by Zionists |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | So were the peanut puffs you like |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | whoever isn't an actual student here, leave the room. Tenured professors you can stay |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | This is so totally LAME |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Is anything here not invented by Jews? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | First we couldn't drink Starbucks, then it was Coke, then McDonalds |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | using our iPhones, Google Cloud, |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | next they'll deliver Sabra Hummus |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | and we'll have to eat it or we'll STARVE |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | and who was it who brought in a crate of bananas? |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Don't you know we have people with deathly banana allergies? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | My Fuhrer, Qatar and Iran sent a full shipment of Epipens |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | The epipens and Covid masks make us look like total snowflakes! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My Fuhrer, you can't hurt my feelings in my safe space |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I'd say use your meditation app but it was coded in Tel Aviv |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Try interpretive dance! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Students are breaking windows to protest... something. |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | We're demanding the university divests from... well, we're not sure, but something! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | End colonialism, genocide, free Palestine... or ELSE! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | We have megaphones, catchy rhymes, hashtags, endless funds |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | We've crafted every lie with precision! Why does the world not see the 'truth' we do? |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | No credible institutions support our genocide claims |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | If disinformation were an Olympic sport, we’d take silver—right behind Stalin |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Feelings over facts felt like a winning strategy |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | We looked so badass in Keffiahs, I got 6 million likes on one post alone |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | but I still can't get laid |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | "Why?" you ask |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | All the "girls" in the encampment identify as queer |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | and they SMELL. No one in the encampment has showered for weeks. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | They prioritize Instagram aesthetics over basic cleanliness |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | They believe deodorant is a tool of the patriarchy |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | They claim showering contributes to water wastage and societal bloat. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, he liked your TikTok |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | And to think, none of this freed Palestine |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | The police dismantled our encampment with disheartening ease |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Took our brand new tents |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I feel so forlorn |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | We fought for freedom and ended up in handcuffs. It's like bad Marxist poetry |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | All pointless, crushed under the boot of the Zionist cop |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Let's go back to study hall |