| 00:00 - 00:03 | Herr Bauernfeind |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | You will do sit ups and push ups |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | And you will run this 1.5 mile route |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Someone will be watching and timing |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | And of course they will measure your waist |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Someone will hand waive my test |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | I will not be measured |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Herr Bauernfeind |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The Chief... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The Chief of Staff has directed you take the full test |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | You will be measured |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Unimportant people leave the room |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | There is no tape big enough for my waist |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | You must fix this! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I will end you all! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | I can't do a push up with a gut like this! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I can't do this as a fatass! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | If I do a sit up it will break the earth! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | This is impossible! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | How could this happen! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | I will hold your feet sir! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | It will take ten of you to hold my swollen feet! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir the Chief has directed |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Fuck the Chief of Staff!!! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I will not be measured! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I have been protected my entire career! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | How can it end like this |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Does the Chief not know who I am? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I am Cat 5 dammit! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I've been bullet proof forever! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I destroy people for doing the same things I do |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I crash CV-22's and get away with it! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I treat Airmen like dirt and I am celebrated! |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I am too important to fail! |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I've been bullet proof forever! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I will not be measured! |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I am the one who ruins careers! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Not the other way around! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Someone call Daddy Slife |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Daddy Slife will fix this |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | You will see, he will save me again |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, I will make him a sandwhich |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | This just can't be |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Please Daddy Slife, save me |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Slife you must help me...sobbing |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Please!!! |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Now bring me a cheeseburger |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | with Fries AND Onion Rings |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Yes, Herr Bauernfeind |
