| 00:00 - 00:03 | Christmas is almost upon us |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | So finally |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | The preparations must begin |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Mother, you will start at Waitrose, Co-op, and Tesco |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | And you will return daily to stock up on mince pies |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | And everyone else |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | What will they do? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mother |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | They... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | They're almost entirely useless |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | And will not do anything unless told to |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who is not my son or husband please leave |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Did I not raise my family well? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | All these years of training |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | And they still don't know how to load the dishwasher |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | They mix up the damn silver with the steel! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | How is anyone meant to unload that crap? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Is this how they repay me?? |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | I spent years driving bloody Henry to Harrow and Oxford |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | and he was never packed when I came to get him |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mother, I had so many parties it was not my fault |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | And Freddie forgot my damn presents this year |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | But Mother, I had so much to pack with Virgil |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Oh yes blame it on the cat |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | There's always an excuse |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | And Caspar... those driving tests |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | I've driven you to enough bloody driving tests |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | No more - you've got one more chance! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | And Robert. Just imagine if we left Christmas lunch to you |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | He'd probably boil the turkey and roast the bread sauce |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | and we'd all be sick for weeks |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Yeah so what if you help me peel the carrots and sprouts |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | That takes you literally 10 minutes |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I can't wait to be a granny |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | and see the mess when it's your turn |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Thank God for my sister... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | ...and the new oven I had installed this year |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | So Joe can't complain about the roast potatoes |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Can you believe I made dauphinoise for 20 |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | and they still complained |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | They didn't realise I used to spit in it! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's OK Lucy, everyone knows how much you help |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | My husband is meant to be Mr Incrdible |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | But all he does is work and play golf |
| 03:25 - 03:29 | At least Robbo hasn't realised he's eating last years walnuts |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | And those rude Knollys' won't arrive late |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Still, the food was fucking good, as per normal |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Nigella's got nothing on me |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | You'll all be invited next year, I guess |
