| 00:00 - 00:03 | RadioFreeTom, Twitter has announced that it is bleeding money |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | It needs to develop new sources of revenue |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | It’s losing advertisers |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | It feels the best way is to charge $8 per month |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | For verified accounts |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Sounds like Stephen King talked them down |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | From $20 per month |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | RadioFreeTom |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Stephen King |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Stephen King told Twitter to go fuck itself |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | He believes Twitter should be paying him |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone leave the room except Jay Black, PopeHat, and Dick Nixon |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What could Elon possibly be thinking |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I earned my verified status |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | What will happen if some imposter pays $8 to impersonate me |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | My followers depend on me |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | To provide updates on Carla and the headband |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | What would happen on Saturdays |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | When American Top 40 plays songs from the ‘70s |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Charlie and Don can’t handle the cheese by themselves |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | RadioFreeTom, no one likes the early years |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | What about my dislike for Led Zeppelin |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | It’s common knowledge that Zeppelin is more well liked than Boston |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I should have you forced to listen to Midnight at the Oasis while staked to an ant hill |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Or listen to Afternoon Delight on a continuous loop |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | And what about wearing shoes on an airplane |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Or shoving your bare feet between the seats |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | What if someone impersonated me and said that was OK |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I’d rather be forced to eat Indian food with Preet each morning |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Who would know it was really me pleading for help when my cable carrier canceled MeTV |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | My followers depend on me |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | To provide esoteric knowledge of B-List actors on old TV shows |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | And my takes on the original Star Trek |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | How will my followers know it’s me and not some Next Generation fanboy |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | What about everyone thinking they are an expert |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I’m the expert on experts |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | We don’t need RadioFreeTom imposter who majored in Food Sciences |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Lecturing my followers on the difference between communism, socialism, and fascism |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | And the Twitter Handle |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I’m the one who came up with that one |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | That took real thinking outside the box |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It’s ok, you’re too young to remember Radio Free Europe |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I tweet to my followers not to leave Twitter |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I might like snow while they detest it but they still need me |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Tell Elon I’ll pay the vig |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | My followers need to know about my trips to Vegas |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | They need my tips on expensive male grooming products |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Perhaps the Atlantic will allow me to expense it |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Hopefully Steven King will understand |
