| 00:00 - 00:03 | And so, Prime Minister |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We can put Fracking |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | sites here and here |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | With only mild earthquakes expected here |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | But here, the water might taste funny |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | But we’ll make a ton of cash, right? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Should set us up for life… |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Erm… |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Prime Minister… |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | We’ll barely be able to cover the cost |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | And it won’t make any difference to the gas prices |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | All junior ministers, spads and non-ERG members get out now |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | You utter bunch of selfish bastards |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | You said this would be easier than Brexit |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I’ve crashed the fucking economy, and the pound is now worth less than Therese’s cigar ash |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Kwasi only did what I told him |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | The useless specky twat |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | And now I’ve got Jeremy Fucking Hunt running the show |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | I can’t get rid of him now can I? |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | He holds all the cards |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But the markets have stabilised a bit |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | I don’t give a shit about the markets now, no-one’s likes me anymore |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Liz, we think you’ll definitely outlast the lettuce |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | You’ve crucified me, that’s what. And where’s Braverman? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | She’s even more right-wing |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Than you bunch of dickless wonders |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | “Tofu eating, guardian-reading wokerati” |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | What the actual fuck? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | And now she’s cocked up the Indian trade deal |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | PMQs today was an absolute shitshow |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | This earpiece you gave me keeps cutting out |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | And I only get half of what you tell me. Makes me look like a bimbo |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | We’ll have to use this evening’s vote |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | With a three line whip to make it a confidence vote about me |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | They won’t dare risk an election |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | They’ll have to vote for Fracking |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | And maybe we can make some money out of this pile of shit after all |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I’ve only got to last a few more weeks and I can get my £100k pension |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | What about that monacled HB pencil |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Has he said anything about me to the newspapers? |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | “Trussonomics is dead” I heard them say |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Those anti-growth coalition wankers |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Labour, I bet they’re listening to this |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | But you guys, you still think I’m doing okay don’t you? |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | You’ll stick with me? |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | None of you are plotting? |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | At least I got rid of Grant Shapps or whatever he calls himself these days |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | We won’t see him again or it’ll all be over |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | If only the Chief Whip can stick by me |
