| 00:00 - 00:03 | The Warriors have signed DeMarcus Cousins |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | and the Lakers have signed LeBron |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Making a title too big a challenge |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | It seems the efforts of taking over the NBA... |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | are better spent in the Euroleague. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Pull you head out of your ass |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Dirk is coming back to bring home a title in his last season. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Fuher... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Cuban... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Cuban traded Dirk's shooting powers to the Utah Jazz |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | For the rights to Ante Tomic |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who doesn't think Cuban has **** for brains, leave the room now. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | HE TRADED THE ONLY THING DIRK HAD LEFT |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | FOR THE RIGHTS TO GUMBY!! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | HOW DARE THAT SON OF A BITCH TURN DERRICK FAVORS INTO SHAQ WITH A THREE POINT SHOT |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | THEY'LL BE UNBEATABLE WITH FAVORS KNOCKING THE LONG BALL |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | AND THEY DOMINATED WITH POOR SPACING LAST YEAR |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | THOSE ****ING MORMONS ARE DESTROYING OUR NATIONAL IDENTITY |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | AND HERE WE JUST LET THEM ACCUMULATE TALENT |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | AS THEY PILFER OUR GOODS AND LEAVE DIRK AS NOTHING BUT A CORPSE |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | BUT THE MORMONS GAVE US SHAWN BRADLEY FOR THE NATIONAL TEAM |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | HE WAS BORN ON A U.S. AIR FORCE BASE, YOU TWAT! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | HE'S TECHNICALLY A CITIZEN |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | OH, COME ON! IT'S ESSENTIALLY U.S. ****ING SOIL! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | WHAT'S NEXT?! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | DAVID ARCHULETTA IS THE NEW SINGER FOR RAMMSTEIN? |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | ALEX BOYE FRONTING THE SCORPIONS?! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | MAYBE WILFORD BRIMLEY CAN COMMAND THE S.S. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | ARE WE JUST SUPPOSED TO WATCH EUROLEAGUE NOW?! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | MAYBE KRIS KAMAN HAS SOME LEGS LEFT |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | AND THE SMUG LOOK THAT WILL BE ON CUBAN'S FACE... |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | EVERY TIME FAVORS GRABS BOARDS OVER TOMIC AND HITS A 3 ON THE OTHER END! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | IS IT NOT BAD ENOUGH THAT THOSE ****ERS... |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | HAVE SNATCHED UP EVERY GOOD PLAYER FROM EUROPE |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | TAKING OUR PRIDE! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | FAVORS GETS DIRK'S SHOOTING POWERS |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | THIS IS A CASE OF CULTURAL APPROPRIATION IF I'VE EVER SEEN ONE |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS? GET RACHEL MADDOW ON THE PHONE. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | HE WAS OUR LAST GREAT HOPE |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | WHY COULDN'T THEY BE CONTENT WITH TIBOR PLEISS? |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | HE HAD FLAWLESS SHOOTING MECHANICS! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | IT'S OKAY, DIRK CAN ALWAYS GET A FRONT OFFICE JOB. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | When Dirk upset Stockton and Malone in 2001.. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I couldn't have been more proud of my country. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Depressing... |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | The tables have turned. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | If we don't have hope, we'll be destroyed.. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Where will we find a basketball savior now? |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Someone dig up the corpse of Detlef Shrempf. |
