| 00:00 - 00:03 | Week 1 is here and we have big action |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Best Ball, DFS, Season Long |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Our entire bankroll is in play |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | We've also drained the kid's college fund |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | And borrowed funds from your wife's boyfriend for more ammo |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Excellent. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | How are we looking? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir, |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | We went all in on the Bengals |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Joe Burrow showed up to the game dressed in drag |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | He's been outscored by 68 year old Aaron Rodgers |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who game stacked Steelers and Jets, leave the room now |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | WHY THE FUCK DID WE PAY $799 FOR PROJECTIONS AGAIN |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I DONT CARE HOW MANY FUCKING TARGETS DRAKE LONDON GETS |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | HOW MANY GOD DAMN TIMES MUST HE LET US DOWN |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | FUCKING NERDS RECOMMENDING NICO COLLINS |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | DONT THEY REALIZE HOW BAD THIS TEXANS OFFENSIVE LINE IS |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | CANT PROTECT CJ STROUD |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | HOW THE HELL IS HE GOING TO GET THE BALL TO NICO |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | USE YOUR FUCKING BRAINS |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | SIR ESTABLISH THE RUN HAD HIM FOR A 74% TARGET SHARE |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | HOW MANY POINTS DID TARGET SHARE GET US?! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Lets calm down and be process oriented sir |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | IF I HEAR ANOTHER FUCKING WORD ABOUT PROCESS |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | TARGET SHARE MY ASS! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I TOLD YOU TO DITCH THE PROJECTIONS AND KNOW BALL FOR ONCE |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | WHY MUST TWITTER HAVE SHADOWBANNED MY FAVORITE TOUT TOMMYG |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | NOBODY KNOWS BALL LIKE TOMMY! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | HOLDING MY DICK WITH THESE BENGALS STACKS |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | MEANWHILE THE BALL KNOWERS ARE LOADED UP ON DANNY DIMES. HE'S FINALLY OFF THE FUCKING GIANTS! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | SHOULD'VE PLAYED A BACK UP QB LIKE CJ KALTENBACH, ATTORNEY AT LAW |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | JOE BURROW CARES MORE ABOUT FASHION THAN HE DOES THROWING THE GOD DAMN FOOTBALL |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | HOW COULD YOU HAVE WATCHED NETFLIX'S QUARTERBACK |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | AND STILL PLAYED THIS ASSHOLE |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | LETS DITCH THE PROJECTIONS AND USE OUR DAMN BRAINS |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | IVE BEEN TELLING YOU FOR YEARS |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | MY BRAIN IS BETTER THAN THE GOD DAMN SIMS |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | CORRELATION, TARGET MARKET SHARE, WHO GIVES A FUCK!! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | WE NEED FUCKING FANTASY POINTS |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | HOW MANY FANTASY POINTS DOES AN AIRMAILED TARGET SCORE |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | WE HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF TAKING OVER EUROPE THAN WINNING A GPP |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | DON'T WORRY, SAM DARNOLD WILL SAVE US |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | SEASON LONG SQUAD HAS WORTHY, KITTLE, AND JUAUAN JENNINGS |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | NOW WE HAVE TO MOVE INTO MOM'S BASEMENT |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | WITH DRAFTCHEAT |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | BAGEL BITES FOR THE NEXT YEAR |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | AT LEAST OUR BESTBALL TEAMS WILL BE STRONG. FADED THE BIG DOG DERRICK HENRY |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | FINALLY AT THE AGE CLIFF |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | HE'LL SURELY BUST TONIGHT |
