| 00:00 - 00:03 | We've all turned in our midterm papers now. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Some of us put them in your mailbox, |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | which is somewhere over here behind Staufer Hall. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | It doesn't look like you've checked it in forever, |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | but you never said how they should be turned in. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Fine. I'll find them. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Just as long as you cited in MLA. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Professor... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | You said... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | You said the first day we should cite in Chicago style. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | The same time that you said we shouldn't double-space. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone leave. Except Keitel, Yodl, Krebs, and Putner. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Of course you double-space! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | There are no professors who don't want you to double space! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | And seriously, why waste time with something as ridiculous as Chicago style!? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | You must all have shit for brains. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I don't remember the shit I said the first day! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | All I remember is that Johnson scratched his nuts over and over! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | The syllabus very clearly states |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | that you are to cite all work in MLA format! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Professor, we thought your instructions overrode the syllabus |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Nothing overrides the syllabus! The syllabus is law! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Professor, I need a new pair of underwear. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I knew it. I thought I smelled stupidity and yesterday's rotting pizza! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | You're disgusting! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I should throw all your moronic, single-spaced papers |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | out with this guy's dirty underpants! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | I swear to god, you're a bunch of mouth-breathing garbage! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | You do nothing day and night, you just waste time and space |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | and I'm stuck grading your worthless chicken shit! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | It's hard to be a professor these days! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | You've got your tablets, and laptops, and computers -- they're scary! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | And my hemorrhoids are a bitch these days. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I have PhD. A PhD from Rice! |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | That's, like, almost as impressive as Rutgers! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | And you... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | are just dumb, sex-crazed undergraduates. You don't know shit! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Always playing grab-ass in the quad, or in the bookstore. Disgusting! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | You complain that my lectures are nonsensical, |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | then stare blankly at your phones like a bunch of retards! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | You eat horse shit on campus that's making you fat! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Not you. You've always been fat. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I got crabs when I was in college. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | They just... wouldn't go away, no matter how much I shampooed. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | It smelled awful. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | So bad. Everyone knew. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Change your underpants. Change them as soon as you can. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Do not be remembered for always smelling like total shit. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Everyone just failed the class. |
