00:00 - 00:03We've all turned in our midterm papers now.
00:04 - 00:05Some of us put them in your mailbox,
00:05 - 00:07which is somewhere over here behind Staufer Hall.
00:08 - 00:12It doesn't look like you've checked it in forever,
00:12 - 00:15but you never said how they should be turned in.
00:17 - 00:19Fine. I'll find them.
00:19 - 00:21Just as long as you cited in MLA.
00:24 - 00:26Professor...
00:27 - 00:28You said...
00:31 - 00:33You said the first day we should cite in Chicago style.
00:34 - 00:36The same time that you said we shouldn't double-space.
00:53 - 00:58Everyone leave. Except Keitel, Yodl, Krebs, and Putner.
01:13 - 01:15Of course you double-space!
01:15 - 01:17There are no professors who don't want you to double space!
01:18 - 01:23And seriously, why waste time with something as ridiculous as Chicago style!?
01:25 - 01:28You must all have shit for brains.
01:29 - 01:31I don't remember the shit I said the first day!
01:31 - 01:34All I remember is that Johnson scratched his nuts over and over!
01:34 - 01:37The syllabus very clearly states
01:37 - 01:40that you are to cite all work in MLA format!
01:40 - 01:42Professor, we thought your instructions overrode the syllabus
01:42 - 01:46Nothing overrides the syllabus! The syllabus is law!
01:46 - 01:48Professor, I need a new pair of underwear.
01:48 - 01:52I knew it. I thought I smelled stupidity and yesterday's rotting pizza!
01:53 - 01:54You're disgusting!
01:56 - 01:57I should throw all your moronic, single-spaced papers
01:57 - 02:00out with this guy's dirty underpants!
02:00 - 02:03I swear to god, you're a bunch of mouth-breathing garbage!
02:04 - 02:08You do nothing day and night, you just waste time and space
02:08 - 02:13and I'm stuck grading your worthless chicken shit!
02:14 - 02:16It's hard to be a professor these days!
02:17 - 02:21You've got your tablets, and laptops, and computers -- they're scary!
02:27 - 02:29And my hemorrhoids are a bitch these days.
02:30 - 02:34I have PhD. A PhD from Rice!
02:34 - 02:36That's, like, almost as impressive as Rutgers!
02:41 - 02:42And you...
02:43 - 02:47are just dumb, sex-crazed undergraduates. You don't know shit!
02:48 - 02:53Always playing grab-ass in the quad, or in the bookstore. Disgusting!
02:54 - 02:56You complain that my lectures are nonsensical,
02:56 - 02:59then stare blankly at your phones like a bunch of retards!
03:00 - 03:02You eat horse shit on campus that's making you fat!
03:04 - 03:07Not you. You've always been fat.
03:14 - 03:16I got crabs when I was in college.
03:19 - 03:23They just... wouldn't go away, no matter how much I shampooed.
03:25 - 03:26It smelled awful.
03:31 - 03:33So bad. Everyone knew.
03:40 - 03:46Change your underpants. Change them as soon as you can.
03:46 - 03:49Do not be remembered for always smelling like total shit.
03:53 - 03:56Everyone just failed the class.