00:01 - 00:04Welcome to the intern placement meeting.

00:04 - 00:09In this meeting we will assign all new interns to a location and to a manager.

00:09 - 00:15As you see on the map we will send most to an affordable city like Cincinnati.

00:17 - 00:22(Manager) Wait a second... what was that blue arrow on the map for?

00:24 - 00:29That arrow... was...

00:31 - 00:33That arrow represents an intern... from the west.

00:33 - 00:36...he slipped through the cracks.

00:52 - 00:59I need some time with the recruiters... everyone else... needs to get out.

01:13 - 01:18Wasn't I clear that I wanted interns that LIVE to work 16 hour days?

01:19 - 01:24You know he's married to a beautiful wife and has a chubby baby at home don't you?!

01:29 - 01:31We can't allow him to enjoy this!

01:31 - 01:40I want you to assign him to a manager who will only be available to help him two days each week!

01:40 - 01:43Sir but you know Boston is the only place that a manager like that exists...

01:43 - 01:46Then assign him to Boston!!

01:46 - 01:48But sir, he'll never be able to afford that...

01:48 - 01:52How do you not understand that that is exactly what we want?

01:53 - 01:55Unbelievable!!

01:56 - 01:59I'm going to spell out exactly what you are going to do.

01:59 - 02:02You are going to make sure that everything we told him to expect

02:02 - 02:04is the opposite of what he experiences!

02:04 - 02:08I want you to make sure no one replies to his email requests!

02:09 - 02:12I want people to ignore his meeting requests

02:12 - 02:17and when they do meet with him I want them act like they don't know the answers to his questions.

02:17 - 02:21I want him to feel like there is no organization to what we do here!!

02:27 - 02:29I can't hire someone who loves...

02:30 - 02:31... his family more than his job.

02:31 - 02:34With priorities like that...

02:34 - 02:36 ... I doubt he'll work 16 hour days.

02:41 - 02:45I bet he won't even want to join our LBGT groups either!

02:45 - 02:48Then who will we give the rainbow name badge stickers to?

02:48 - 02:52I paid for those with my own personal credit card!

02:54 - 02:56I bet knowing that wouldn't even get him to wear one.

02:56 - 02:59Just thinking of this makes me want to EXPLODE!

02:59 - 03:02Make sure his computer has problems too!!

03:05 - 03:07It's okay... his wife will have fun in Boston.

03:14 - 03:16I bet he'll even do a good job.

03:19 - 03:23it just... it reminds me of how nice it would be to enjoy my job.

03:25 - 03:26But I don't.

03:27 - 03:31[Shock throughout the room]

03:31 - 03:34Plus... I'm 50 and single.

03:34 - 03:40[Awkward Silence]

03:40 - 03:46If I can't find happiness I certainly don't want our interns finding it.

03:46 - 03:48At least he'll have fun on the weekends...

03:53 - 04:00I work those days too.