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Summer Intern
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00:01 - 00:04Welcome to the intern placement meeting.
00:04 - 00:09In this meeting we will assign all new interns to a location and to a manager.
00:09 - 00:15As you see on the map we will send most to an affordable city like Cincinnati.
00:17 - 00:22(Manager) Wait a second... what was that blue arrow on the map for?
00:24 - 00:29That arrow... was...
00:31 - 00:33That arrow represents an intern... from the west.
00:33 - 00:36...he slipped through the cracks.
00:52 - 00:59I need some time with the recruiters... everyone else... needs to get out.
01:13 - 01:18Wasn't I clear that I wanted interns that LIVE to work 16 hour days?
01:19 - 01:24You know he's married to a beautiful wife and has a chubby baby at home don't you?!
01:29 - 01:31We can't allow him to enjoy this!
01:31 - 01:40I want you to assign him to a manager who will only be available to help him two days each week!
01:40 - 01:43Sir but you know Boston is the only place that a manager like that exists...
01:43 - 01:46Then assign him to Boston!!
01:46 - 01:48But sir, he'll never be able to afford that...
01:48 - 01:52How do you not understand that that is exactly what we want?
01:53 - 01:55Unbelievable!!
01:56 - 01:59I'm going to spell out exactly what you are going to do.
01:59 - 02:02You are going to make sure that everything we told him to expect
02:02 - 02:04is the opposite of what he experiences!
02:04 - 02:08I want you to make sure no one replies to his email requests!
02:09 - 02:12I want people to ignore his meeting requests
02:12 - 02:17and when they do meet with him I want them act like they don't know the answers to his questions.
02:17 - 02:21I want him to feel like there is no organization to what we do here!!
02:27 - 02:29I can't hire someone who loves...
02:30 - 02:31... his family more than his job.
02:31 - 02:34With priorities like that...
02:34 - 02:36 ... I doubt he'll work 16 hour days.
02:41 - 02:45I bet he won't even want to join our LBGT groups either!
02:45 - 02:48Then who will we give the rainbow name badge stickers to?
02:48 - 02:52I paid for those with my own personal credit card!
02:54 - 02:56I bet knowing that wouldn't even get him to wear one.
02:56 - 02:59Just thinking of this makes me want to EXPLODE!
02:59 - 03:02Make sure his computer has problems too!!
03:05 - 03:07It's okay... his wife will have fun in Boston.
03:14 - 03:16I bet he'll even do a good job.
03:19 - 03:23it just... it reminds me of how nice it would be to enjoy my job.
03:25 - 03:26But I don't.
03:27 - 03:31[Shock throughout the room]
03:31 - 03:34Plus... I'm 50 and single.
03:34 - 03:40[Awkward Silence]
03:40 - 03:46If I can't find happiness I certainly don't want our interns finding it.
03:46 - 03:48At least he'll have fun on the weekends...
03:53 - 04:00I work those days too.