| 00:00 - 00:03 | Following the success of the General Election a sea of blue has swept the South-East |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Our mission has achieved a Commons majority. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Hardly a Red patch seen from Dorset to Kent |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | With the obvious exception here in this region... |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | But that was expected given the uprising in these parts.. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | What is this circle ? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | The one around Brighton & Hove |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mr Cameron |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Gideon |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Brighton Pavilion was held by the Greens |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | And Hove went to Labour |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | I.. want... all.. non-election strategists to leave the room |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | You lost Brighton & fecking Hove ! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | My crowning glory, my dream victory, Brighton & fecking Hove ! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | That city, with those lentil munching, left wing, sandal wearing, Kylie loving mincers.. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | A sea of blue ? I wanted to live in the Royal Pavilion |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | And dance in Revenge |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I don't mean Revenge, I mean somewhere else. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | I thought we'd driven them into the sea |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | But you tell me these free-thinking radicals are still partying. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mr Cameron, we won Kemptown, surely that is enough. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | But that includes Rottingdean-it's a 4,000 vote start |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mr Cameron, we still have some control |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | What with Simon Kirby, he voted for Gays to be married. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | They'll be forming a Republic |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | These people won't conform... |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | They hate the our provincial ways of Conservative life |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | They ride bikes, and re-cycle if their council lets them |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Before we know it they'll have their own red and green flag |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | They'll be badges and picnics, they'll even welcome foreigners |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | They'll even invent their own Monopoly game |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Actually they did, and Peacehaven wasn't on it |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I've got a lovely caravan there too. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I like to go for a holiday with Rupert Murdoch |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | So he can write our manifesto. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I wish we'd lost in now, I do |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I would swap it all to wipe that smug grin away |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | That Caroline Lucas and her anti-establishment people based ideology. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | I hate that fecking do-gooder. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | And Labour in Hove, Peter Kyle and his working class values. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | And not even a UKIP'er for consolation |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, the vegan burgers in The Lanes are to die for. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I suppose it could be worse after all.... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | They wouldn't get enough support for their Republic |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | It wouldn't even get 100 likes on Facebook |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | They're too busy |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Shopping in Infinity Foods, preparing their Pride outfits, riding their bicycle trains. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | And the greatest consolation of all... |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | The Council must be Tory now... |
