| 00:00 - 00:03 | So League Commissioner Hammers |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | has revealed the plan |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | for TMQs the next few weeks |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | TMQ Week 6 will be written by Shillacious D |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | TMQ Week 7 by Marietta Raiders |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | TMQ Week 8 by Snell Football |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | TMQ Week 5 by Man Hammers as usual, correct? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | About that... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | TMQ Week 5 |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | TMQ Week 5 was cancelled by Commissioner Hammers |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | due to a bender last weekend. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | I need Shillacious, Marietta and Snell to stay in the room...as well as Commissioner Hammers. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I was promised a TMQ Week 5! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I checked my email morning, noon and night |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I know the Pats game was moved |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | I know the Saints game was pushed to Tuesday |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | And the waiver was pushed back a day |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | How hard is this |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | It's a TMQ for fuck's sake |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | It's more or less the same jokes every week |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | They're harder to come up with than you think |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Brian English waves a South Vietnamese battle flag every week |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Several new narratives this year |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Oh really? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I supposed Jeremy isn't reclusive this year |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | and there's no sound of giggling children |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | I supposed Lambeaughinis |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | aren't saddled up at the bar |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | ordering potato skins |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | or a pitcher of margaritas |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Next you'll tell me |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Marietta doesn't have a hard out in five |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | to meet a client |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Or Vipper isn't shirtless |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | and glistening. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | At the very least |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | that Snell bastard isn't undefeated this year |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | and rubbing it in our faces |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | with weekly ass kickings |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | especially of Ndaumakong's |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Who is having a really nice season! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay Nectar...Shillacious will take care of you |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I suppose something good |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | will come out of this... |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | utter travesty. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Shillacious will kill this week's TMQ |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | He will make Commissioner Hammer |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | wish he was never born |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | And have power rankings for once. |
