| 00:00 - 00:03 | Our plans are all in place for the season |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We're bringing Coutinho back |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | With Busqets & Dembele |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | But looking at the squad, we're a bit light on goals |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | We need someone else playing through the middle |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | You forgot Messi |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | He'll get his usual hatful |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mr President |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | We've.... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | We've sold Messi to Man City |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | £75m plus Garcia |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone on Bluemoon who follows tolmies hairdoo can piss off now |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Damn it. I said don't answer the phone! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | We wouldn't be talking to City I said! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Txiki, Soriano and that bald fraud Guardiola |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Garcia's a dwarf for fucks sake |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | He's not a replacement for Leo |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | He's not scoring 40 goals a season is he? |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | How the hell are we going to replace the GOAT? |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Whose idea was it to buy a midget centre back? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | He's 6ft, 5 inches taller than Messi |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | He's a centre back you buffoon, not a bloody striker |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | He'll score lots from corners |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Corners? Ours are worse than City's FFS |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | First man every fucking time |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | May as well buy Jesus Navas |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | At least he won something last season |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | We won fuck all |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Even United would beat us now |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | The Norwegian paper boy, Lingard, Fred, Luke Shaw. United! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | We'd even struggle against AFC Bury |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Who sorted out the contract. That drunken small claims solicitor |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I'm the President here |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | No one listens or gives me respect |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Don't answer the phone I said |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | We need a plan |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | You've got me into this shit. I'll have to get us out |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Ring all the agents and see who's available |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Got to be someone half decent |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | But don't suggest Pogba, the dabbing donkey |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Even Miss BumBum's gone with him |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't cry. We might get Tits Out Jackie on loan |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | At least it'll boil some piss on RAWK |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Teach the scousers to beat us |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Had a call from Reading |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Charlie Adam's been released |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Emily Bishop's lad Ollie Holt said he was a better buy than Aguero |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | When's the Mail ever been wrong? |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Sign him |
