| 00:01 - 00:07 | Welcome to today's news. |
| 00:08 - 00:13 | A man has broken into the capital, |
| 00:14 - 00:18 | vigorously masturbating a small animal... |
| 00:19 - 00:20 | while getting off himself. |
| 00:21 - 00:23 | Officials have identified the man |
| 00:24 - 00:30 | as Eugene Sim of America. |
| 00:31 - 00:34 | We hope he will be arrested and |
| 00:36 - 00:38 | burned at the stake for his crimes. |
| 00:39 - 00:42 | His companions have been identified |
| 00:43 - 00:46 | and a national investigation has launched. |
| 00:46 - 00:49 | Death to dirty hentai lovers! |
| 00:49 - 00:52 | Goodnight. |
