| 00:00 - 00:03 | Angry mobs are rioting around the country. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Some are demanding an end to racial injustice |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | others are simply asking for a refund |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | on a Trump Steak they were shipped in 2007 |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | that had the consistency of shoe leather. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Order the protesters shot. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | How is the Covid-19 outbreak among your men? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My fever.... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | ...has gotten... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Our fevers have gotten worse since we started |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | chasing choloquine with shots of Trump Vodka. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Any SOB who doesn't yodel and eat crepes with Trump Vodka leave the room. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Trump Steaks were legit! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | They were sold through Sharper Image for Chrissakes! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | They were sourced from the finest pangolins in all of China! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | I fed them daily to Don Jr. and Eric. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Trump steaks were Pangolin meat? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | All my life I've eaten nothing but Trump Steaks |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | drunk nothing but Trump Vodka |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | flown only on Trump Airlines |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Trump Airlines went bankrupt several decades ago |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Fake News! I flew Trump Airlines to the International Space Station yesterday! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir, it doesn't help your cause to make such outladish claims. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | You want outlandish? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Polls say I'm losing to Joe Biden! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | A balding septuagenarian |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | who can barely remember his own name |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | and to make matters worse |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I'm polling lower than Obama |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | at this time in his presidency. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | A man who's never sat on a golden toilet, |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | or licensed his name to a fake trade school. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Do you think Obama could have turned |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | a husk of a building in Atlantic City |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | into one of the most succesfull casinos |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | the world has ever seen? |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | When no reputable bank would lend me a dime |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I turned to Russian mobsters |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | They demanded a pound of flesh... |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | and filmed me being peed on by hookers |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | as collateral for their investment. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's OK Helga, I peed on him too. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | If only I were at Mar A Largo |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | at this very moment |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | getting peed on |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | by teen aged hookers. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | But Jeffrey Epstein is gone |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | and to tell the truth |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | The bed bugsa re a bit much for me, too. |
