| 00:00 - 00:03 | My Fuhrer, we've received some disturbing news |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We have been sent a report |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | from our informant inside Heritage Hall |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Gerard Martinez is reporting |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | That Lynn Swann will keep Clay Helton as USC's head coach |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | That is simply not possible |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | He had to have seen the Stanford game |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Fuhrer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | he was.. |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | he was playing golf that day |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | He was also golfing during the Texas and Utah games |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | All Board of Trustee Members...get out now. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | How can he keep that idiot? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | He has an offensive coordinator that cannot spell wonderlic |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | He hired his hillbilly uncle to coach hiis offensive line |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | His QB coach has not reached puberty yet |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | His teams are as soft as the Maginot Line |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | My nephew's flag football practices |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | are tougher than his No Pads Novembers |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Chuma didn't practice this week due to a hangnail! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | but he's a nice guy and the kids love him |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | He isn't running a fucking Day Care Center! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My Fuhrer, the team needs fresh legs for the game on Saturday |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Why do they need fresh legs? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | They don't block or tackle anyone! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Poland had a better defense than USC has |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | The only thing they lead the country in is penalties! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Helton should line up the next player who commits a personal foul against a wall, and have him shot |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | That would stop the penalties! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | While he is at it, he should also line his coaching staff against the same wall.. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | and have them shot too! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | This team needs a head coach that will not take shit from anyone...like Stalin! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Do you know what it is like |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | To watch this team play game-after-game |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | and not improve at all? |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | It's like watching the Italian army |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Now they will go up and play the Beavers, who will lay down faster than the French did |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Then they will come and get their asses kicked by Cal! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Even UCLA might wake up and give them a game |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Then they will play Notre Dame |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Who will beat them like a red-headed stepchild |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, I'll hide the TV from him on Saturday |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | and the worst thing is |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I bought a luxury box for next year |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | I don't think |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I can survive another 4 years with Helton as coach |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Do you remember when things were different? |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | When we had a real coach? |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | God... I miss Pete Carroll |
