| 00:00 - 00:03 | I'm afraid we have some bad news about |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | App based food delivery riders |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | It's far worse than anticipated |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | there are now more people working from Apps |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | than there has ever been real bike messengers |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Surely they can't be making money |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | doing one ups from Macdonalds? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | The thing is |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | we've heard... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | we've heard Uber guys claiming |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | they regularly make £9 per drop |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who started messengering after 2007. Leave the room. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Why the fuck am I just hearing about this now? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | These food App goons were supposed to be a joke |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | With their fucking ridiculous big square bags and corporate branded jackets! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | They don't even use radios! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | We used to be Urban Cowboys |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | but these guys are making us look like CLOWNS! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | I didn't spend years riding brakeless |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | risking my life to look cool... |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | I saw a Deliveroo guy on a track bike |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Fuck you! He still had the big stupid bag |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | It was a pretty nice bike |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | The cool image of proper bike messengers isn't going to be saved |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | by one Uber guy on a sweet fixie! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I've seen them in their anoraks |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | riding their catalogue mountain bikes on the pavement |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | delivering Happy Meals to fat, lazy office workers |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I saw a Just Eat guy busting lights like he was on a double rush |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | but he was just taking a half pizza to a student who didn't want to go outside |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | because it was raining slightly. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I seen another guy riding an electric assisted bike instead of pedalling up the hill! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | They're all only doing one job at a time. No tie-ins. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I used to do an Iron Man shift every Friday |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | 8am til 8pm for Creative Couriers |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | ...sometimes with no time for lunch. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | These guys log on at 11 in the morning then only work for 3 hours |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Then log out and go home and wank all afternoon |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | then pop back in for two hours at tea time |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | to do a couple more hours slinging burittos to rich foreign students |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | It's not proper bike messengering! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry cargo bikes will save us. |
| 03:14 - 03:15 | Years of messengers being cool |
| 03:15 - 03:16 | Down the drain. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I don't even bother to tell anyone I used to be a bike messenger anymore |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | What's the point? |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | people just think you did food delivery in a stupid uniform |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Those ten years on the road used to be the best of my life. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Now I'm embarassed to let people know about it. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I ruined my knees for nothing. |
