| 00:00 - 00:03 | We are all ready for movie night. Everything is ready to go. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Jason Goes to Hell is showing at a small theater. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | located right here... |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | We're excited since you haven't seen this Friday the 13th flick yet. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | We can get a slushy along the way, right here.. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | I can't wait to see Jason stab all those horny teens |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | at my beloved Camp Crystal Lake. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Um...dude, |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Jason, uh... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Jason gets blown up in the first scene. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | And becomes a body-jumping sperm demon. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who thinks Freddy won, get the Hell out now. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | A fuckin' possession demon?! WTF! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Fucking New Line Cinema and Sean Cunningham. |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | After seven plus movies they retro the fucking back story! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Next thing you know, they'll want to send him to Space! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Who directed that crap anyway, some 19 year old kid? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I bet he doesn't even go to Hell the entire film. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | He should still be in fucking New York! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | You can't have a Jason movie with no Jason. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | He returns in the end scene. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | I'd rather watch Roy the ambulance driver again! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Violet's robot dance were pretty cool. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I do the Robot in my room ....all the fucking time! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I've modeled my life on Reggie the Reckless! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | He aint afraid of no fucking spiders! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | At least that flick had that chick with the really huge rack! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Part V was the shit compared to this! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Tommy Jarvis kicked ass in it! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Did you see him beat down that fucking redneck?! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | It was soooo beautiful. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Not even the headless Mrs. Voorhees jumping out of the lake was this stupid. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | And the bounty hunter, who somehow knows this mystical shit about Jason |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | with no explanation, no pay off, and no logic. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | It makes me think of a hotdog going into a doughnut! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | How did we get from a killer in the woods to this shit? |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I'd almost rather watch Halloween fucking III |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | or Howard the Duck. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Samurai Cop didn't piss me off this much! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | It's about as stupid as him chasing a family member, |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | or getting killed by a magic dagger. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | I told you your shaving scene was a bad idea. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | It probably doesn't even have the classic soundtrack. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | It's worse than Jason having underground tunnels. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | I'd rather watch him fight a telekinetic again.... |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | or that clairvoyant from part 8. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Hell, I'd rather endure part 3 again than watch this crap-on-a-stick. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | ...although I do like that chick from Buck Rogers. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I miss Crazy Ralph. |
