Launchpad Wars

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9/9/2026
pump.fun finds out that stonkfun.xyz is printing millions in fees while the flywheel buys and burns $STONK, burns the top ecosystem tokens, and pays rewards to holders. the launchpad wars have escalated.

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00:00 - 00:03STONKfun has already crossed $1.2 billion in trading volume...
00:04 - 00:05and it keeps growing.
00:05 - 00:07The STONK meta is taking over Crypto Twitter
00:08 - 00:12More projects are launching there and the revenue keeps climbing.
00:12 - 00:15And crypto twitter won't shut up about it.
00:17 - 00:19It doesn't matter.
00:19 - 00:21They'll come back to PUMP.
00:24 - 00:26My Fuhrer...
00:27 - 00:28there's more.
00:31 - 00:33Solana's official account tweeted...
00:34 - 00:36"We Stand Behind Stonk Tokens."
00:53 - 00:58Anyone receiving STONK rewards leave the room now.
01:13 - 01:15THEY'VE DONE $1.2 BILLION IN VOLUME?!
01:15 - 01:17AND THEY'RE PAYING THE FUCKING HOLDERS?!
01:18 - 01:23WE BUILD HE BIGGEST MEMECOIN CASINO ON SOLANA!
01:25 - 01:28WE HAVE MILLIONS OF USERS!
01:29 - 01:31WE BUILT PUMPSWAP!
01:31 - 01:34WE INVENTED THE FUCKING TRENCHES!
01:34 - 01:37WE EVEN BUY BACK $PUMP!
01:37 - 01:40AND THESE FUCKERS FOUND A BETTER FLYWHEEL?!
01:40 - 01:42Sir, pump still makes more revenue.
01:42 - 01:46FOR NOW! THEY'RE COMING FOR OUR GOLDEN GOOSE!
01:46 - 01:48But sir, we buy back and burn $PUMP too
01:48 - 01:52THEY'RE BUYING BACK THE WHOLE FUCKING ECOSYSTEM!
01:53 - 01:54EVERY FEW MINUTES!?!
01:56 - 01:57UNBELIEVABLE.
01:57 - 02:00WE TAUGHT SOLANA HOW TO HYPER GAMBLE!
02:00 - 02:03BUNDLED RUGS. ENDLESS INSIDER PUMP & DUMPS
02:04 - 02:08WE PRINTED FORTUNES FROM PEOPLE LAUNCHING ABSOLUTE GARBAGE!
02:08 - 02:13AND FINANCIALLY RUINED THOUSANDS OF DEGENERATES!
02:14 - 02:16WE SPENT TWO YEARS BLEEDING THE TRENCHES DRY
02:17 - 02:21THEN THESE FUCKERS COME IN HERE AND PAY HODLERS $21 MILLION??
02:27 - 02:29And then...
02:30 - 02:34they're buying and burning the top ecosystem tokens too?
02:34 - 02:36Of course they are.
02:41 - 02:42Goddamn brilliant.
02:43 - 02:47THEY TURNED EVERY LAUNCH INTO BUY PRESSURE FOR $STONK!
02:48 - 02:53THE MORE THESE DEGENERATES TRADE, THE STRONGER THE FLYWHEEL GETS.
02:54 - 02:56MORE VOLUME MEANS MORE FEES.
02:56 - 02:59MORE FEES MEANS MORE FUCKING $STONK BUY BACKS!
03:00 - 03:02MORE BUY BACKS! MORE BURNS! LESS FUCKING SUPPLY!
03:04 - 03:07Don't worry. $KNOTS pays us in $STONK. We'll be fine.
03:14 - 03:16And what do we get?
03:19 - 03:23The fucking degenerates asking us...
03:25 - 03:26"wen airdrop"
03:31 - 03:33Every. Fucking. Day.
03:40 - 03:46We made a fortune off these fucking degenerates
03:46 - 03:49and promised them an airdrop.
03:53 - 03:56Maybe we should've fucking sent it.