| 00:00 - 00:03 | the release just is not ready yet |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | we found bugs |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | in every micro service |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | all the unit tests are failing |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | and the design doesnt match requirements |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | but we did sprint planning |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | and story sizing |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | the requirements changed |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | some scope creep |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | AI slop made its way in |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | we need two more weeks |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | lets circle back with a smaller group |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | SPRINT PLANNING |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | YOU SAID IT WOULD MAKE US QUICKER!! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | THE AI, THE CLAUDE, WHY ISNT IT HELPING, SUBSCRIPTIONS EVERYWHERE |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | AND YOU ARE ALL STILL TOTALLY SHIT |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I HAVE SEEN LESS BUGS ON |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | THE ARSE OF A HIPPO IN CONGO |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE REQUIREMENTS CHANGED |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | WHY DIDNT WE PLAN FOR THAT |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | WE DIDNT STORY POINT CORRECTLY |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | THE SCRUM MASTER TOLD US WE COULD DO IT |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | CLAUDE AND CO PILOT SAID IT WAS OK |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | CLAUDE SHMOD YOU BASTARD |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | IVE HAD ENOUGH |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | WE ARE GOING TO RE FACTOR |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | RE FACTOR IN COBOLT |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | GO BACK ON PREM OUT OF AWS |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | WHO NEEDS THE CLOUD, I HATE ENGINEERS |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | IF THE PRODUCT OWNER ADDS ONE MORE 'QUICK WIN' TO THE BACKLOG, I WILL |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | PERSONALLY DELETE THE PRODUCTION DATABASE! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | AND YOU 'ENGINEERS' FINGERS GLUED TO YOUR 200$ KEYBOARD LIKE AT AWS |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | THATS HOW WE FIX THIS |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | DONT LOOK AT ME, GO, TEST IN PROD, SHIP THIS FEATURE |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | THATS HOW WE DID V1, |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | WE SHIPPED WE ITERATED |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | THE SPRINT PLANNING DIDNT GOVERN US |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | WHAT HAVE WE BECOME, SLAVES TO AGILE |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | WE CANT EVEN THINK ANYMORE |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | LOOKING AT JIRA, BEGGING CLAUDE TO DO OUR WORK |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | THANKING THE AI LIKE ITS OUR MOTHER |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | DONT WORRY I KNOW YOU DIDNT USE CLAUSE |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I HAVE 300 JIRA TICKETS IN TODO |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | WE ARE RUNNING ON LEGACY CODE HELD TOGETHER BY DUCT TAPE AND PRAYER |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | AND NOW THE INTERN JUST PUSHED TO PROD |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | THE AWS BILL IS $40,00000! |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Everyone out. Go find a company with revenue |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | this one isnt it |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | we are doomed |
