| 00:00 - 00:03 | Recruitment is tanking across many areas. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | From abroad |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | and domestic too |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | The money’s running out |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | And staff morale is in the toilet |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | We have new interdisciplinary MAs |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | and that will rectify everything |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Cultural Heritage |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Cultural Heritage is DOA |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | And Video Games (Narratives) is even worse |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | These people will stay. School Manager. Research Director. Education Director. People Director. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | That was my only strategy! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | And you’ve fucked it up! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | You repeatedly told me this would work! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | But clearly I’m surrounded by fools |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | We bet the house on Cultural Heritage |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | You told me everyone else was doing it |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | And absolutely raking it in |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | But where are the students! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Fuhrer it seemed a good idea at the time |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | I’ve been betrayed by idiot academics! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Fuhrer we thought it would work |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Work?! No fucking students are applying! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | They’re not that stupid! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | And now we’re millions in the hole! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | And we’ve changed the whole School to fit the plan! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | And even canned MA History of Art to make space! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Cultural Heritage is just a re-badged version of History of Art! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | And I’ve got to report to Faculty tomorrow and convince them it’s all OK! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Oh god how I hate doing that because I know we’re fucked! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Faculty Board call me silly names, like ‘Temu Stalin’ |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Oh how I’m sick of this place |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Even the mould taking over Woodland Road |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Shows me more respect than you lot |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Nincompoops |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | You told me that more permeability would save us |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | And more middle managers would increase compliance by 50% |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | But this was hot shit |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | No-one has a clue what they’re doing |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Just look at the dog’s breakfast of a PGT core skills unit |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It’s not your fault, it was a shit idea to begin with |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | How can I attend another School plenary |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Without another interdisciplinary MA to propose |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | It’s time |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Move everyone from core undergraduate teaching |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | And activate the emergency plans for a new MA in global humanities |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | I’m getting the next plane to Barbados |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Don’t fuck it up. |
